I caught Jared red-handed

Shut it. Maybe he'll be the next Collier Strong from Project Runway okay? At least he's not applying it on himself.

Note to self: Hide these from Doug.

Recipe Review--edited

The Daily Bite fans have been asked to review their favorite recipe. So, I'm going to steal their pictures of liquid gold (or buttermilk syrup if you want to be all "technical") and tell you all to throw your rice cakes out the window and just EAT IT.

So, here's what you do for the most FANTASTIC topping to pancakes, waffles, or french toast--maybe even vanilla ice cream:
Go here

Okay, now that I've given you the recipe, go make it. DO IT. I'm telling you this syrup is WAAAAAAYYY better then maple. And, if you're like me you'll need to make it for dinner because I can't handle eating spoonfuls of that stuff in the morning. Yes, I said spoonfuls.

That site also has a ton of other great recipes I've tried. The fajitas are fantastic, and so are their spicey honey chicken and french dip sandwiches.

Now go out there and make some buttermilk syrup!!

I've changed my mind about Peoria.

This is Anthem. It's 20 miles north of Phoenix. It's a golf course community with a little water park in the center of town. It has a gaggle of parks, and one of them even has a fishing lake! How cool is that! Oh, AND it has an outlet malll. The town itself is 4 miles long and most of the homes are 6 years old or less. This is soooo my kind of place. Except...I don't golf. But who CARES!! It has a waterpark! And a fishing lake! And a gaggle of parks!!

I just realized my new profile pic looks kind of scary--like I'm about to hunt you down or something. I'll leave it up for now. Maybe it'll scare off any icky stalkers--not to be confused with my regular stalkers. (People, I know you read even though you don't leave comments. I'm okay with that, I do it too.)

Packing is a pain in my big white booty.

Some of you may know from my earlier post how completely unorganized and scatterbrained I can be. I literally do NOT know how to put things together in a clean, organized way. Luckily for me, my good friend Donnie came out this weekend. She's freakishly good at cleaning and organizing, and she worked her magic on the kids' room. We packed up their closet, with the exception of a few clothing items to get them through the next two weeks. We also tackled the toy chests, under the beds, the dresser, the games, and all but one little corner in their room. I'm embarrassed to say that it took just over 5 hours to complete the process. The room was such a disaster, that when she moved the dresser, clothes were literally stuck to the walls. So,here's the before shot. (Note: everything has been pushed to the center of the room. This is NOT how the room normally looks. I needed to point that out. Child protective services would crap themselves. It's my blog, and I can say crap.)







And here's where we put all the junk. Notice it's all put back in a clean, organized way.



Donnie decided we must reward ourselves with pedis and manis, so we headed off to the spa the next morning. Although, I have to say I'm soooo not used to being pampered, and the ladies at the spa thought it was hilarious when I was giggling as my feet were being scrubbed. It tickles. Shut up. It DOES!


The worst part of the spa experience? Getting something taken care of that I've been neglecting for 30 years. My eyebrows. I've always tried to cover them up with my glasses or bangs, but sadly it was time to conform to society and wax them. They're not quite as thin as they look in the picture. Donnie said she could hear me yelping in pain at the front of the spa.

My little movie review.

I'm all for dark movies, but this was REALLY dark. Heath Ledger was amazing. His portrayal of the Joker was perfectly creepy and sadistic. If this was the last movie he made, he sure went out with a bang. The role of the Joker has been rewritten, and no one can possibly reprise it. Heath Ledger IS the Joker. It's sad to think a talent of that callibur has passed away. I know I'll always have so much respect for him now that I have seen how truely brilliant he was.

In 30 years

Here's what I've learned about myself:

~I'll never be completely comfortable in my own skin.
~I'll always be self-conscious, and it's not something I'll ever "grow out of"
~I have a wild side which, no matter how hard I try to stifle it and be as conservative as my parents, will always seem rear it's head.
~Patience is one of my biggest struggles.
~I'm always more concerned about what other people think of me, than what I think of myself.
~I'm a follower
~The history of the world is my passion.
~Sushi isn't really gross.
~Classic rock is far better than rap.
~If I could have any talent of my choosing, it would be singing.
~The gospel actually DOES make sense.
~The study of medicine isn't gross at all. In fact, it's fascinating.
~I'll never have a lot of friends. A handfull of good ones is all I need.
~I'm stronger than I thought I was.
~Sometimes I just gotta dance.
~I'll always be disorganized, and the thought of organization gives me a panic attack.
~I'm intuitive
~I'm needy, and constantly searching for approval.
~I do not hide anything. My life is an open book.
~I am not beauty-savvy. I do not know how to apply make-up correctly, or style my hair.
~I have no "decorating sense"
~I LOVE food.
~Big bugs make me scream.
~Being married and a mother is not what I expected it to be.
~I must go back to Europe.
~I love science fiction.
~I don't have a crafty bone in my body.
~I'm kind of lazy, and I could sit around all day and to nothing if I really wanted to.
~I'm obsessed with the Olympics, and I cannot miss ANYTHING.
~Music can literally move me to tears.
~I'll always be interested in the supernatural.
~My family feels incomplete.
~I'm very compassionate.
~I don't feel like an adult, even though I'm 30.

This list will be interesting to reflect on in 10 years.

Doug's taking me to see "The Dark Knight" tonight, and then we'll drive to Valencia to go to dinner at Fridays. I'm looking forward to their Jack Daniel's steak and shrimp. The kids both made me cute little birthday cards. They were so sweet this morning!

I want this house.

I want it bad. It's so flipping cute, and I love the colors. In fact, I want it so bad it's all I can think about. So, I guess that's why I'm blogging about it. The outside's just as cute as the inside. I'll give you all a hint, it's in Peoria; which is about 10 miles northwest of Phoenix. It's $50 a month more than we're paying for our apartment. Cute right?

We're outta here!

It's time to tell you all the news, which many of you already know. Doug got transferred to Phoenix. Now, to many of you Phoenix may sound like the depths of hell since the summers last six months or so. But to us, it may be a new life, with an actual HOUSE with a YARD, and a GARAGE. We are so sick of living in the meth capitol of the state, where the crime rate is well above the national average.

Since we've lived here:
~ we've heard gunshots twice in our apartment complex.
~ We've heard death threats made to other tenants at 3am.
~Jared's school was put on lockdown 3 times within a 2 month period, which means an assault or burglary was made in the neighborhood with the criminal on the loose.
~ Our neighbor tried to start a fight with us when we asked him to turn down his stereo at 11:00 at night.
~I clean other people's lint out of the communal dryer.
~The pool is literally cloudy.
~The city built a TON of section 8 housing out here for the LA scumbags to relocate to.
~My car was backed into, and now they are blaming ME, and claiming injury.
~The murder rate statistics are just about 14 times higher than the Phoenix suburb we'll be moving to.
~Directly across the street from my in laws, a man was shot in the face with a shotgun.
~The schools here are among the worst in the state.

I'm soooo ready for a change. I'll definitely sweat my butt off in AZ, but I'll take the heat any day for a better life for the kids.

We leave in less than 30 days. Hallelujah!!

Oh boy.

A couple days ago I passed by the kids' bedroom and overheard this:

Jared: "It's okay Jade, it happens to EVERYBODY! You'll be fine Jade, I promise"
Jade: (runs out of the room in tears) "Mooooom, am I really going to turn into a boy?"

Jared's in his room laughing hysterically, of course.

A setback

Sunday night I had the best time, and now I kind of feel like crap. Doug and I were invited out to "Howl at the Moon". It's a dueling piano bar in Hollywood where they play anything from The Beatles, to Guns and Roses--whatever is requested. The audience participates and it's a really GREAT time. They actually get a full band going after about 9 or so. I told Doug I wouldn't drink. He really wanted me to-- I guess my sobriety is a killjoy of sorts. I swore to myself I wouldn't. As soon as I got there and smelled the place I caved under pressure. A few rum and cokes later I found myself and a few other 30-something moms rocking out on stage to "Pour Some Sugar On Me". Luckily for me, the proof that I can shake my groove thang was hindered by the crappy video quality of Doug's phone. I wonder if it's possible to have that much fun while sober. *Sigh*. Probably not.

Back to square one. I was doing so well.

I am back!!

I've been going through blogger withdrawals, but I've been too lazy to post. But no more!

Last week we went up to Big Bear for a family camp out. Doug's brother Zach is deploying to Iraq in few weeks, and this was the one thing he really wanted to do. It was fun I suppose. The first day we were there we sat our butts around the campground and got eaten by mosquitoes. (I posted a picture of my lovely bites so you could all feel sorry for me. The swelling in my ankle has gone down considerably, but it sure was nasty looking wasn't it?)I think we were too lazy and too hot to hike. That night, we put the kids to bed around 9, and the adults decided to play cards. Wouldn't you just know a flipping BLACK BEAR was going through the trash cans only a few yards away from us and our sleeping babies? Yeeeaaah. We scared it off, only to have him come back a few minutes later. This time when we scared him off, he ran towards MY tent. Right behind it in fact. I don't think I mentioned to you all that Doug actually had to work those three days, and he WASN'T THERE. Luckily the bear was frightened enough to run off into the woods and we didn't see him again that night. As you can imagine I was freaking out. Just a little. After I saw how close he was to my tent I decided I'd better go to bed with my sleeping children and somehow protect them (with my fists?) from the bear who I was sure would come back and maul us all. I immediately put my purse in the car which had gum and chap stick in it, just to make sure he had no reason to bother us. I was still scared though, and I think I prayed myself to sleep!

The next day we went to the lake and had a great time. No one got sunburned even! How cool is that! Anyway, that was the gist of my week. Oh, and it looks like we'll be moving to AZ in the next month. I'll post more about that later.

Our 4th

Yesterday we went up to Bakersfield as we usually do for the 4th. My grandparents are up there, and my parents drove up from Flagstaff to be with all of us. It was bittersweet. I'm still trying to cope, and I'm pretty down today.

My grandfather is in really bad shape. He has a slew of lung problems, one of which was MRSA pneumonia. He's free and clear of that now, but he also has a type of non-contagious tuberculosis that is literally making him fight for air. Last week my grandmother fell down some stairs and broke her femur. She ended up needing surgery, and right now she's in convalescent care until she can move around by herself. She's undergoing a TON of physical therapy so she can get out of there and go home--but once she's there, we don't know how she'll move around since their home is a bungalow-style one with steps leading up to the house. The same night she fell, my grandfather went into respiratory distress, called the paramedics, and we later found out he suffered a pretty major heart attack. So...he was in ICU, and grandma was in the hospital for her leg all on the same day. Last week was pretty rough.

Yesterday, as per tradition we all headed up to the house, packed our swimwear, and bought some really cool fireworks to set off. When we arrived, the second I saw grandpa I wanted to embrace him and cry. He was feeble and shaky, and there was no spark in his eyes. He looked defeated, sad, and helpless. I realized the time I have been dreading since I was a little girl was near. This was the man who proudly flew the American flag every 4th of July from the pole he cemented into his driveway. He's the Marine who paraded around his living room - old rifle in hand as he watched the Marine Corps band on an Independence Day TV special. He's the proud Korean War veteran sharpshooter who would have gladly died for his country. He's the bravest man I know, who gave up 30 years of smoking the day he finished the Book of Mormon. He's the loving grandfather who took us to the beach in the summer when we were little, and spoiled us rotten for an entire week out of every year. The funny thing is, he's not even biologically my grandfather. He's my "step-dad's" father, whom I've known since I was three. I've never known a life without him and I've always secretly wished I was blood related -- most of the time I forgot I wasn't.

It was hard to see him broken yesterday, and I've had a really hard time accepting what's inevitably going to happen. Both of my grandparents are so dear to me, and I honestly can't imagine what life will be like without them. It's time to start imagining though, because I know the time is near. I don't want to talk about the fireworks or the BBQ or all the swimming we did yesterday. None of that matters at all. I just wanted to share a little with you about my dear sweet grandfather. Last night as we left, I asked him to call me if there was anything he needed. His only reply was "just visit". I think he knows too.

The weekend in a nutshell.

Saturday found Jade and I shopping for a swimsuit - for me. Does anyone dread this as much as I do? I'd *almost* rather go to the DMV. Almost.

We started at Target where pretty much ALL the tankinis were sold out. Jade swore I'd look cute in a little string bikini, and put the same yellow one in the cart at least 5 times. Maybe if I obliged her and tried it on in the dressing room, she'd have seen how completely wrong she was. Anyway, disappointed, we left and drove out 10 miles or so to Kohl's. They had a slightly better selction, but it still took us about 2 hours to finally find one that actually fits right. I have small boobs and a huge booty, so the top of my suit is two sizes smaller than the bottoms! I finally settled on a cute floral-looking top, and a little tennis-looking skirt for the bottom. I actually really like it, and it's slimming in all the right places! Woot!

Let's seeeee. Sunday found us driving around Lancaster to find Guitar Hero 4. We finally did, at Game Stop - and they about kicked us out because they were closing. The guy was being a real jerk about it too. Maybe he had a hot date that night or something. GH4 is pretty cool. It's a tribute to Aerosmith, and has some pretty great songs on there.

After the kids went to bed, Doug and I watched "Enemy at the Gates" with (yummy) Jude Law and Rachel Weiz. Being the history nerd I am, I couldn't stop thinking about it this morning, so I just spent a couple hours (instead of cleaning my kitchen) researching the Battle of Stalingrad. Who does that? I mean really. I'm such a dork.

Sorry about the boring post today.

yesterday's outing

I'm supposed to be cleaning the bathrooms, but I'm going to blog about ducks instead. I'm not really in the mood to scrub dried pee off the floor anyway.

After preschool yesterday Doug's cousin and sister invited us to go feed the ducks at a nearby park. So, of course I took pictures! Dude, those geese mean business when you run out of bread. One of them got pretty bossy and ran down my nephew Holden, then nipped him in the crotch. For split second I thought about letting him duke it out with the goose by himself while I ran to grab the camera. But, that would have been mean. So off I went to rescue him. (He's the redhead in the pics with the yellow shirt.) Luckily he's not too traumatized by the ordeal. The kids enjoyed themselves, and overheated a little--and they were so exhausted they fell to the floor when I opened the door to our air conditioned apartment. You know what's nice about that? No fighting and no whining, just peace and quiet, and REST. Good times.

Apparently I'm a floatation device.

Yesterday in the pool...

Jared: "Mom, I'm going to get on your back when we get to the deep end because your butt will keep us from sinking."


I guess it's time to go back to the gym.

My scary experience and a possible explanation

I think there are only 2 of you who have been with this blog from the start. I wrote a post a few years ago about an experience I had when I was 19. I'm going to have to copy and paste it because for some reason when I go into the archives to link it for you, it brings up all my posts for that entire year. I figured you all didn't want to sift through a year's worth of posts, so here it is copied and pasted for your viewing pleasure. It'll end up being a long post today, but you know you're like me and have nothing better to do! (well, I'm sure some of you do, but I sure don't!) Now, the reason I'm bringing this up again, is because I made a discovery yesterday. I did a little research and found a "possible" scientific explanation. Read, and I'll explain


Tuesday, April 05, 2005
a freaky story I wanted to share

I've decided to post this story because it was something that happened to me in my youth. I realize some of you out there may have a certain opinion on this, and that's fine. But here is my story as I can recall.

Right out of high school whas when I broke free of my parents and my religeon. I got a car, a 1993 Ford Escort to take me anywhere my heart desired. For the first time in my life I had a taste of freedom and I loved it. In fact, I went a little wild. In my heart of hearts I knew certain things I was doing was wrong. It just wasn't really who I was at the core. I just liked the attention I got when I acted a certain way, and did certain things. I was trying new things that were labled "evil" growing up. I drank, I smoked, I smoked pot, I lied, I stole money from my parents, I dated too many boys, and I had a great time. Living like that was great. I felt so free of the religeous shackels that held me all my life. I broke all the rules, rebelled in every sense of the word. I rebelled against my parents, I rebelled against the church. I was an all around sinner folks, and I was out of my parents control. I was every mormon father's nightmare. If you compare me to the avarage teenager, I was probably just the same.

At the peak of this rebellion is when it happened. I woke up one morning to find myself paralyzed. I could only blink and breathe. I couldn't move my limbs or move my mouth. I lay there completly helpless. My eyes were open and I was looking into my closet. The radio was on and I could hear the dj talking about the weather. I could hear our sheltie Danny Boy barking at the people as they walked along the sidewalk on the other side of the fence. I was completly concious and awake. And fozen. There was a darkness around and inside me, only I couldn't physically see it. I felt it, and I could hear it. It came in waves, each one stonger then the next. The only way to describe how it sounded is to turn up your speakers as loud as they go without any music. The sound of an electric hum, or charge, maybe like from a guitar amp. The sound filled my ears and my head. I could visualize a light inside my head and each time the wave came the light dimmed. I thought of a lighthouse and fog rolling in to smother the light. I think I was the light. Each time the darkness came the light became weaker and I could feel myself slipping somewhere. My limbs started to tingle. Some part of me wanted to embrace the darkness because I felt I couldn't defeat it. I started praying, singing church songs in my head, trying to open my mouth to utter a prayer. Each time I did this, the light became brighter and I felt stronger, and then it would take me again. We struggled with one another for what seemed like 10-15 minutes, but was probably only a few seconds. I came to the decision to outshine it no matter what it took. I was stronger, I would prevail. No one will ever take control of me. Ever.

I mustered up all the spiritual strength I had. I reached into the depths of my soul. I found I was able to move my lips. I then opened my mouth and was finally able to mutter "in the name of Jesus Christ depart". I don;t know why I said that, or quite where it came from, but as soon as I said those words, I was free. Everything was right as rain again, and I rolled onto my back and breathed a deep sigh of relief. I called my dad at work and told him what happened. He told me it was a dream. My mother said the same thing. Many of you may say the same also. I happen to think there are a few experiences in life that are profound, and they teach us lessons. That. to me was one of those experiences. I realize this may not be wise to post on the internet, but I have since met others who have had very similar experiences. Maybe someone out there in blogsville has too.

Posted by rubyjade at 4:54 PM


Okay. As I said in that post, it was a very profound experience for me. And, it's something I have NEVER forgotten. It was very real, very frightening, and almost scarring in the fact that for years I had a horrible time falling asleep. All this time I had attributed it to the fact that I was falling away from the church when it happened, and that's WHY it happened. Here is what I found, straight from Wikipedia:

Sleep paralysis is a common condition characterized by transient partial or total paralysis of skeletal muscles and areflexia that occurs upon awakening from sleep or less often while falling asleep. Stimuli such as touch or sound may terminate the episode, which usually has a duration of seconds to minutes.....
Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the bodily paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. In addition, the state may be accompanied by terrifying hallucinations (hypnopompic or hypnagogic) and an acute sense of danger [3]. Sleep paralysis is particularly frightening to the individual due to the vividness of such hallucinations[4]. The hallucinatory element to sleep paralysis makes it even more likely that someone will interpret the experience as a dream, since completely fanciful, or dream-like, objects may appear in the room alongside one's normal vision. Some scientists have proposed this condition as a theory for alien abductions and ghostly encounters.[5]....Symptoms of sleep paralysis can be either one of the following or a combination:

Paralysis: this occurs after waking up or shortly before falling asleep. The person cannot move any body part, cannot speak, and only has minimal control over blinking and breathing. This paralysis is the same paralysis that occurs when dreaming. The brain paralyzes the muscles to prevent possible injury during dreams, as some body parts may move during dreaming. If the person wakes up suddenly, the brain may still think that it is dreaming, and sustains the paralysis.
Hallucinations: Images or speaking that appear during the paralysis. The person may think that someone is standing beside them or they may hear strange sounds. These may be dreamlike, possibly causing the person to think that they are still dreaming. Often it is reported as feeling a weight on one's chest, as if being underneath a person or heavy object.
These symptoms can last from mere seconds to several minutes (although they can feel like much longer) and can be frightening to the person. There may be some body movement, but it is very unlikely and hard for a person to accomplish.


Now, I realize this is only a possible explanation, but the fact that it is scientifically considered an actual sleep disorder (there is a ton of info on sleep disorder websites) comforts me in knowing I may not have been "visted by an evil spirit". (something I have been trying to deal with for 10 years) My point in this post, is to share the information with others. I have met quite a few poeple who have had very similar experiences to mine and it's a horrifying experience, silly as it may sound. The hallucinations are very real, and although I didn't actually see anything in the room with me, I could feel and hear it. I still will never know for sure if there was in fact an entity in the room with me, or my body trying to wake from REM sleep but it's nice to know there is an alternative answer.

Taking after her mom

So, before Jade's bath this morning she makes a startling discovery.

Her: "Ooooohhhh I have smaaaalll boobies!!"



Yeah. I've been saying that my whole life.

And, just to show you all how cute she is, here's a pic of her playing "Rachael Ray".

DIS. GUS. TING.

My downstairs neighbors probably think I'm being stabbed or tortured at various times throughout the day because of my sporadic loud screams. I can't even Google and post a picture of what freaks me out because I'll probably scream all over again and wake up the kids. Or, at the very least get the willie-nillies so bad I'll need to comfort myself with another brownie. And, that just won't do. So what's so incredibly horrible it makes me drop whatever I'm holding onto my big toe and let out a blood-curdling scream that sends Jared rushing into the kitchen thinking I must have surely cut off or stabbed part of my body? (How's that for a run-on sentence? Take THAT grammarians!) Want to know?

A cockroach. Yep. Big ones. Huge ones. Red disgusting creepy ones. I'd say they're at least 2-3 inches long. Did you read that?? INCHES people!! Every couple of days now we (I) find one of those nasty creatures in our sink. They only appear in the summer and they crawl up the drains to get water. Last summer I called the apartment manager freaking out, and she assured me there was no infestation, that they are "water bugs", ( Well, no lady. They are cockroaches) and that when the weather is cooler they'll go away. Well, she was right. They did go away. And all was fine and dandy in the world again until last week. They're back. And, back with a vengeance. I think they're bigger this year. The thing is, I literally CANNOT handle them. I can't kill them, I can't catch them, I can't even watch them crawl. I just stand there and scream and jump up and down and freak the heck out. I can handle spiders. I can handle poop, throw-up, bees, wasps...all no problem. Get me within viewing distance of a cockroach, and all reasoning goes out the window. I instantly panic, I have heart palpitations, and I literally cannot breathe. It's a little dramatic, I know but I can't help it! Now, the question is what the heck am I going to do if one of those monsters shows up while Doug is at work? I've been really trying to figure this one out. I wish Jared was one of those kids who thinks bugs are really cool, but he's not. I'm sure my reaction to them doesn't help the situation either. He's not necessarily AFRAID of them, he just doesn't really know how to handle them. They're fast suckers, and HUGE (3 inches, remember?). So far we've been able to just wash them back down the drain again. I can't bring myself to run the disposal on one. That's just....yuck....and eeeewwww I can't even discuss that right now. I wish there was a way of catching them and then flushing them down the toilet. Doug has done this, only I can't stand to watch. He needs to teach Jared how to trap it. I think I'll make that Jared's goal this summer, and I'll give him a nice reward to make it worth his while.

*As I'm typing this "Starship Troopers" is on TV in the background. Remember that movie? That's the one with the giant bugs with disgusting green guts that squirt everywhere. How's that for irony? Blech.

I wonder what our mailman thinks

when he puts the Ensign and Maxim in our box on the same day.

Why....

are there so many crazy Mormons? Do the Catholics have their crazies? The Jews? How about the Protestants? I swear, every ward I have ever belonged to has a handful of people who are a few fries short of a happy meal.

I went to church yesterday (and incidentally "Love at Home" was the closing hymn during sacrament meeting, and this time I held it together. Yay for progress!). As I walked into RS, a lady at the door was saying something like "we need opening and closing". I assumed she meant prayer, but I didn't think she was directing it at me. So, I took a program from her and thanked her. Before I walked away, she repeated herself with a very firm and steady glare on me. Okay, now...the woman was just plain scary. I mean-- she wasn't someone I'd like to meet in a dark alley. AT ALL. She had these huge protruding eyes which were completely focused on ME. I looked around and told her as nicely as I could that I wasn't comfortable giving prayer in public just yet. She certainly didn't like that answer, as she was now almost yelling "WE NEED PEOPLE TO GIVE PRAYERS"! The RS president came alongside her, put her arm around her and asked her to lower her voice. She told her not to worry, and that someone will end up saying prayer, and to please sit down.

So, there's that. THEN, after I almost pee myself from fright, I sit next to a sweet-looking old lady whom I've seen before, and surely she must be sane right? Wrong. 5 minutes into the lesson she starts telling me how her mom beat her over the head when she was 10, and finally when she hit her mother back, the abuse never happened again. Then, she goes on to tell me all about how she was born in Israel, moved to England when she was a few months old, learned to speak "British" (she made it a point to say British, not English), and that Prince Charles is her cousin. The woman is literally telling me her entire life story. Needless to say, I got a little more than I bargained for at church on Sunday. So, between the scary yelling bug-eyed woman, the crazy old Israeli-British speaking loon, and my mother-in-law, I'd say the RS president really has her work cut out for her.