30 is NOT the new 20

The lady who waxed my eyebrows the other day told me I have a wrinkle in the middle of my forehead. How thoughtfully insightful of her.

Why I'd take swingersville anyday over this.

I just got a call from Doug's cousin today. Apparently, we got out of CA just in time. There was a shooting right in front of our apartment complex by a 16 year old KID. He was walking down the street with a gun, at 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and shot and killed an 18-year-old KID. This is all just a block away from Jared's old school. A school! During school hours, no less. I found the newspaper article, and pasted it below for you all to read. Doug's cousin said our complex was completely blocked off for hours. I'm sure the school went on lockdown too. Did I tell you all that last year the school was put on lockdown 3 times within 3 months? Unbelievable.

The best part? The 16-year-old killer lives in our old complex. Soooooooo glad to be out of there.


LANCASTER - An 18-year-old who had been walking with a friend was fatally wounded after three other teens confronted the pair on a Lancaster street, deputies said.
Kwame Addison and his friend ran after a fistfight broke out, but one of the trio pulled out a gun and fired, hitting Addison several times, deputies said.
"This ain't right," said Evette Gordan, a neighbor and friend of Addison's family. "He lived in L.A. all his life, and then he moves out to Lancaster and gets shot. And it was in broad daylight, two schools are close by, and it is a busy street. Who goes around carrying a gun and starts shooting people?"
Within minutes of the shooting, Lancaster deputies detained five males who were spotted standing outside a nearby apartment complex and who ran when they saw the deputies. One is expected to be released as he was not involved in the shooting, deputies said.
The suspected gunman is a 16-year-old, deputies said. He suffered a cut to his head and was examined by medical personnel.
At the complex, deputies said they discovered bloody shorts and a shirt.
Deputies said Addison and his friend were walking along the sidewalk on Avenue K near Sixth Street East about 2 p.m. Tuesday when they were approached from behind by three teenagers, officials said.
When a fight broke out, Addison ran, but was shot at least three times, deputies said. He ran across an adjoining field, then collapsed on Sixth Street East, close to his house, sheriff's officials said.
Addison was found by neighbors, who heard the shots and tried to help him before calling his mother, Latonya Jones.
"I was inside the house when I heard the shots," said a neighbor, who asked not to be identified. "He was just laying there, full of blood. It looked pretty bad."
Gordan said Addison's mother came to her home to tell her what happened.
"She was banging on the door and yelling, 'My baby has been shot!' " Gordan said.
Addison, in very critical condition, was flown to Providence Holy Cross Medical Center in Mission Hills, where he was pronounced dead, officials said.
After the shooting, more than 20 deputies searched the field looking for blood and other evidence, authorities said. The field as well as Sixth Street East were blocked with patrol cars and crime-scene tape. The apartment house in the 43500 block of Kirkland Avenue was also surrounded with crime-scene tape.
Deputies were waiting for a warrant to search the apartment in which the 16-year-old lived.
Gordan said she was shocked by the shooting.
"He was a good kid," Gordan said of Addison. "You know, he got side-tracked for a little bit, but he was back on. … It is unbelievable. Shot around the corner from his home. Are you serious

Feeling down today.

It's no secret to many that my marriage isn't the greatest. I won't go into detail, but I am fairly good at sucking it up and just dealing with it. I do have my bad days though, and today is one of them. Nothing unusual was done or said; just feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself today, which is weird because no matter how bad it gets I can get over myself and move on with my day. Shoot, I can't even write well. I'm going to continue though, because this blog is therapy for me. I post every once and a while about my personal struggles, but not nearly as much as I admittedly have them. I'm so glad I've made friends here in AZ, and I promised myself I WOULD NOT be known as that girl with the bad marriage who needs a weekly therapy session at Starbucks to release her never-ending marital drama, looking for a tissue and a pat on the back. NOPE. They do not need to know, and they don't need their lives filled with my drama. Neither do you all. But some days.....some days I simply feel I cannot handle it alone. That's why, my friends, I am letting it out for you all to read. My marriage sucks. Plain and simple. It has been pretty bad for years and years. Some days I try my hardest to pretend it's fine, but usually the truth lurks deep down inside. I have a good way of lying to myself in order to keep from completely falling apart, especially for my kids' sake. I'm pretty sure he does not love me anymore and not to sound completely pitiful, but most days I doubt he cares about me at all. To answer your question, right now there is nothing I can do about this. Maybe one day I can, but now is not the time. So for now, I trudge along in the trenches and try to emotionally survive. Most days I can survive, in fact I have actually learned to thrive. But today, I'm simply trying to breathe.

Why Jade doesn't eat her dinner.

"Jade, you need to sit down, right now, and eat your green beans."

"But I can't because I'm practicing my magic spells. Watch...."poke the head of google and goggle". See, I told you I need practice."


I seriously have NO IDEA.

A day at the park

I had to make a post about this because it's the first day since we've been here the temp is below the 90s. It's SO NICE. I actually wore pants today. Not because it was cold, but because I didn't HAVE to wear shorts to not sweat to death. Plus, it's techincally fall, and you better believe I'll wear my jeans in 80 degree weather if I want to!

This just ruined my night.

Jared made a best friend. He lives a couple of streets over, they ride the same bus, and they are in the same class at school. This kid's name is Alex. For the past two weeks, the boys have been inseparable. Alex either comes here, or Jared goes over there. This week, however, I noticed the visits and playdates have stopped. I really didn't think anything of it until last night when Jared brought up something that made me feel like I was punched in the stomach. Alex has apparently been pushing Jared out of their little circle of friends at school. Alex will literally hold out his arm and physically try and stop Jared from playing with them at recess. Jared will invite him over to the house, and Alex will say things like "I don't want to go to your house. It's dumb." Hello! We have the Wii, and those boys have a BLAST playing it in my living room. You know how I know? Because they scream so dang loud I can't hear my dictation, and I yell at them to keep it down. What does he mean our house is dumb? I served him fruit snacks and a Capri Sun for crying out loud!! Jared even let him play with his new Bionacle. Ugh. I am so upset about this. I'm almost more upset that Jared lets Alex tell him who he can and who he can't play with. Jared is so NOT a passive person, and I want him to assert himself, but he won't with Alex. When Alex "prevents" him from playing with the group at recess, Jared walks away and sits by himself. When Alex tells Jared he can't sit next to him at lunch, Jared leaves and sits by himself. That is just SO SAD. Jared was telling me this last night, and I literally had to drag it out of him. When he admitted everything that was going on, I could see tears welling up behind his eyes. I asked him if Alex's behavior was hurting his feelings, and told him he could tell me if it did. He turned away, wiped his eyes and said "no mom. I don't care." That killed me. I just wanted to scoop him up and hold him and tell him I was so sorry his best friend was being so mean. I wanted to cry with him, and I wanted to fix it. Instead, I told him it was important to not let Alex treat him that way. I told him to stick up for himself, and play with whomever he wants to play with . I told him Alex is NOT his boss, and cannot prevent him from playing with other kids in the group. I'm so sad for him. I have to have faith that things will work out, and that Alex is just going through some bratty phase. Maybe if Jared doesn't tolerate this kind of behavior, Alex won't do it anymore. Or, at least that's what I'm hoping. Growing up is so hard. I thought this stuff only happened to girls.

No more trainng wheels!!

Jared has a few scrapes and bruises to show for this new milestone, but overall he took to it fairly easily. I think he's pretty pleased with himself, and he should be! His friend down the street rides a two-wheeler so I think that sparked his interest. After a while, as I was putting the bikes and scooter away, I heard everyone head inside from the garage, so I followed once I was finished, and closed the garage door. A couple minutes later I hear the doorbell, and I open the door to find Jade standing with her hand on her hip looking perplexed. "Mom, I can't believe you forgot me!" Well shoot. I guess it's a good thing I only have two.

Hmm...

Jared swears there's a ghost in the house. Like, he will NOT let it go. He says it's a nice ghost and won't hurt us. He also says he can't really see it, but he can feel it. Okay, now, most of you all know I'm sort-of superstitious and actually DO believe in ghosts. I can't help it--I just do. Having said that, I seriously doubt out house is haunted. If it were, I think I would have noticed it. Right? Wouldn't you have noticed if your house had a ghost? I have not felt anything "off", and I find this house to be very peaceful. Still...I can't help but remember all the orb-y things that came out in our pictures the first couple weeks we lived here. I'm sure it's just dust. In fact, I've told myself that over and over again. I just find it slightly strange that Jared came up with this "ghost" thing all of a sudden. I posted some "orby" picture for you all to view. Dust, right? (The house isn't nearly as dingy as it looks....especially now, since I scrubbed the snot out of the grout) The last pic is the night we moved in. Our nephew Holden is the middle. Notice the orb on the wall above them. Dust. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Look what came in the mail today!

I totally won this fantastic handbag made my my friend Mushbelly. She did a giveaway on her blog and I whooped everyone's butts and won it! Okay, it was really just the luck of the draw. But still, can I just gloat a little about how darling this thing is? It's even cuter in person. Really--it is!! Plus--and this is a HUGE bonus...it was filled with CANDY. Yep. I bet you're all even more jealous now. The best thing about the bag is that it matches EVERYTHING. I have tons of bold colors in my closet and I can wear just about any color with this purse. So...I took pictures for you all to admire, even though I didn't bother to do my hair today. Jared took the one of me, so that explains my giagantor-like appearance. You'll just have to look past that and focus on my prize. Thanks Mush!

From cockroaches to scorpions

So, since moving here I've had to get used to a few things:1)Water conservation--seriously, you can't even wash your car without someone shaking their heads at you for all the wasted water trickling down the gutter. 2) No helmet laws for motorcyclists. I think this is just plain crazy--but whatever. I guess technically it really shouldn't have to be a law, but dang I think it's pretty stupid to ride without one. And 3) My fear of scorpions.

Now, since we've been here, which is just over a month I've seen two. The first one was a little baby scorpion in the dining room. I didn't freak out--I remained calm --okay relatively calm. I was more surprised than anything. I went to grab a broom to smack the little sucker and it shot fast as lightening (kind of like a cockroach) under a tv. I wasn't about to move it, so I went back to doing my daily routine. Since most of my routine consists of sitting in the computer chair nowadays, I completely lucked out where the scorpion is concerned. A couple of hours later, I saw something lying flat and definitely squished on my tile floor near my computer desk. Yep, the scorpion. My weight and computer chair did the dirty work for me. All I had to do was scrape him off. Done! No more scorpion. That night I had nightmares about little scorpions crawling into bed with me. I checked everyone's bedding every night for weeks afterward.

Fast forward to yesterday. Jade and I were in the garage, taking the trash can out to the curb for today's pickup. I hear Jade screaming and hopping up and down talking about a "big yellow disgusting scorpion". I walk over, thinking it's just some beetle or something because she always over-reacts to bugs. (where does she get that from?) Well, sure enough there was a big yellow scorpion crawling towards the car. You know what I did about it? Nothing. Not a dang thing. I was secretly glad it crawled under the tire so I literally could not get to it. I admit it--I'm too much of a wuss to kill it. The thing creeps me out man. And, it's still there. In the garage. Somewhere. I do NOT want to deal with it. Doug won't take care of it. I won't take care of it. I guess we just won't go in the garage ever again--unless we need to go somewhere. Crap.

It's time!

9/22/08

This has been a very long time coming, and Doug and I have been going through withdrawls for months. Finally the day has arrived and I'm giddy as a virgin on her wedding night. I think I'll even make treats for the occasion.

It's like I'm dating all over again.

My friend Marie says I have to put myself out there, insecurities and all, and be confident about who I am. She says I need to reach out, and not to be afraid to make connections with people; and that sometimes making new friends is like dating. Some people will connect with you, and others won't. Well, I'm putting myself out there. I'm doing it.

Remember Alegra ? She's with the property management company I called when we lived in CA. She and her husband took Doug all over Anthem to look at homes and we didn't choose any of them. We went with a different pm company. Well, the first week we moved here, we actually ran into them at the park. I really kind of wanted to hide, but of course they recognized Doug and struck up an conversation with him. He introduces me to them, and Alegra puts my phone # in her phone because she wants to get together! They are honestly the nicest people ever. Since that meeting we've had 3 playdates and we're all going out to dinner together tomorrow night. She and I clicked immediately, and our girls are now great friends. Alegra also invited me to church on Sunday to hear her sing. I think we'll go this time, but I told her I was inactive LDS, at which point she gets a huge smile on her face and tells me she grew up in Salt Lake. Ha! She and I had an interesting and respectful religious discussion yesterday. She's very fond of Mormons and her best friends growing up were all LDS. She understands the "Mormon culture" perfectly and we had a great time joking about the "coke-drinkers" and the "non coke-drinkers". Anyway, I'm so glad I met up with her. I really think she and I will become great friends.

And THEN, I was asked to be in a book club! Several of the moms at the bustop and I talk in the mornings and afternoons. One of the ladies, named Evie, moved here from Washington 4 months ago and really misses her club. She asked if I'd like to be a part of her group if she gets one going. I told her I'd LOVE to! I'm really hoping Evie gets this started so I can get to know other moms in the neighborhood. This morning I actually asked two of the bustop moms out on a Starbucks coffee/bagel date for Tuesday morning. I was really nervous to ask, but I had Marie's words of advice ringing in my ears to put myself out there. Well, it worked, and we are meeting at 9 am. I can't believe I'm making friends! Yay!

Pictures, lots. Post is at bottom, for some reason.

Poor kid. This slide's sooooo fast. He always comes up gasping for air--and then promptly goes back up the steps for another ride.

Okay, Jared is actually underneath the dang innertube. As soon as he hit the water he sank.

I love how Jared looks like he's using "The Force" on me. *It is not time to go home.*

We'll see how many I can get in one post. Jared had a half day today, so I took the kids to the waterpark at the community center. All the community center fees are paid with the HOA. It's really nice to just pack up and drive down the road to the waterslides pretty much whenever we want (as long as they're open). I was in a bad mood today and I hoped this would get me out of my funk. It helped a little. Jared's driving me batty, being as obnoxious as he possibly can get away with. I don't know what's with that kid. I've had no desire to be around him these past few days. I hope he doesn't sense that. He asked for bedtime snuggles tonight, (different from bedtime hugs and kisses) which I gave. I felt a little better snuggling and talking with him in his bed. Maybe he does sense my distance....

Anyway, on to pics!!

Secondly, for the latest town gossip, go to the local hairdresser.

Yes, I cut my hair. It was to my mid to lower back, full of frayed and split ends and it was time to chop that crap off. And, I like it muuuuch better.

Anyway, as I was saying, I got the scoop on our little "Stepford community"--which is what I call it because it looks picture perfect on the outside with its tidy yards, and immaculate parks. Even the wives here have skinny little work-out bodies and perky, bouncy boobies to match. But ohhh yes, a dirty little secret lies within. Amanda, my new hairdresser dished all the juicy gossip while she was chopping my golden locks. Apparently, there's an interesting little upper-class-type sushi, martini bar here in town called "Off the Hook" (cool name right?). Well, at this swankified hot spot there's much more going on then sipping martinis. There's wife swapping. WIFE SWAPPING. I'm serious--and disgusted. There's some big fish bowl at the end of the bar where you dump your keys in. Whoever picks up your keys gets your wife for the night, and you get his. I guess it's some big underground thing here. Like, PTA moms, lawyers, teachers, and even cops have this secret double life they lead when the sun goes down. No one really admits to it....but it does happen. A lot. Supposedly it was even on Oprah. She had a few couples from Anthem talk about their swinging lifestyles, and they even pointed out that it was one of the biggest swingers communities in the country. Yikes! I've also been told to watch for the painted white rocks in the front yard. I guess that's their "part of the club" sign. So far I haven't seen any--and yes I have been looking. Oh, you know you would too! So, anyway I did learn a lot about this new town of ours, mostly things I didn't want to know. But, hey...honestly it's a really great place for kids, the people are nice, the area is clean, the crime rate is low, and what do I care what people do behind closed doors? Yes, it's gross, and creepy, but it's kind of considered a thing on the "down low", so as long as it stays that way I'm perfectly happy here--just won't be going to any sushi bars.

Firstly, the house...

I'm alive. I promise. There's been so much to blog about, that it felt overwhelming, so my solution was to just put it off. But, I can't do it any longer! It's time to show you all our house, and I think each day I'll try to catch you all up with everything else that's been going on these three weeks. First off, we really love the house. It's a perfect floorplan and size for us, and I'm soooooo happy to finally have a backyard! There's grass, (and weeds) shrubs, bushes with flowers, and a pretty nice covered patio. Love it! Also, we have tile. A LOT of tile. Granted, it's not throughout the entire house, just the wet areas-- but STILL...I'm realizing tile is going to be a big pain in my butt. First off, the grout is DISGUSTING. Seriously nasty stuff we're talking here. I have no idea when the last time it was cleaned, or even IF it's been cleaned. Who knows what kind of nasty little organisms are growing in there. So, I got on this huge vinegar-cleans-everything kick, and bought a scrub brush, and some baking soda, and doused the heck out of out tile with vinegar. I scrubbed, and scrubbed and SCRUBBED. My house smelled like an Easter Egg afterwards but to my surprise, it worked!! It's not perfect by a longshot but what a huge difference it made!! I'm so proud of my accomplishment. I did about half the floor today, and I think I'll do the rest tomorrow.

So, there's that. Now, let me tell you about these thunderstorms. They're SPECTACULAR. I literally park myself on the porch and watch in wonder as the lightening illuminates the sky. Sometimes there's so much activity it's like I'm watching a strobe light in the clouds. The kids love it too. I've taught them to appreciate the storms, and not be afraid of them. The kids get so excited to hear thunder in the distance, and they run to the window or beg to go outside. I told Jade God was watering the plants. Cute right? Hey whatever works!

Oh, don't you just love that sunset? We have them like that EVERY NIGHT.

So, here are some pics of the living/kitchen/dining area.

It's almost time!

Tomorrow's the big day! It's been a little hectic trying to pack while Doug's gone, as I'm packing up most of the apartment by myself. I've had some help, thank goodness for my sisters-in-law!!

I'd take a picture of the chaos that is my apartment, but I've packed the camera. Amidst the boxes, and the mess, the disorganization, and all the phone calls I'm supposed to remember to make, the kids are driving me insane...to say the LEAST. It's like the day before Christmas and they simply can't contain themselves. I spend my days yelling at them, mostly because Jared tries his hardest to make the most annoying high pitch-deep-throated-blood-curdling "monster roar" he can make (and if it isn't loud enough, he'll make it louder). He'll chase Jade around the apartment making this ear defiling noise (I'm telling you it's enough to want to lock the kid in the closet). She runs screaming at the top her lungs (of course) and attaches herself to my leg. Her scream is even worse because it's like 12 octaves higher. So, they scream, I yell. That's pretty much been our interaction for the past week.

Doug's coming home tonight though, and by tomorrow at least they'll have a backyard to scream in. Hopefully we'll have nice neighbors. Doug's sis and her hubby are helping us and they're staying the weekend out there. Hopefully we can get some fun activities in Saturday night so they won't be spending their entire vacation time moving us. Anyway, that's my update. Screaming kids and boxes. Sounds like fun right?

a slight dilemma - my little guilt trip.

When Doug and I decided to move to Anthem, I got in contact with several property management companies. One of them was VERY helpful and found an entire list of properites with our criteria. When Doug came out to view them, the husband and wife team of said property management took him around the entire town, and showed him a dozen or so houses as well as the local ammenities. This took HOURS out of their busy schedule, and probably cost them a small bundle's worth of gas.

The problem? We didn't really like any of the houses. I mean, we DID like them, but they just weren't really fit for us. The really nice ones were a little too big for us, and a little more then we wanted to spend. The house in my previous post was a waaaay better deal price-wise, and the floor plan was more "us". Unfortunately we are going through a different PM company. Soooooo, now I feel just a little guilty about not renting from the husband and wife team. I mean, what should I say? We've been e-mailing back and forth and I told her we were still in the process of deciding (because we haven't been approved yet for the house we really want). Last night she sent me an e-mail saying something like "I'm assuming you won't be renting from us, and that's just fine. Let me know if you need any help moving in, we can find people to lend a hand. Also, our kids are the same age, so if you want to set up a playdate, contact me". Okay, isn't she just the sweetest? I'm thinking I want to give her a little thank-you card with a gift certificate to a restaurant or something just to let her know how much we appreciated their time and effort. I mean, they really went above and beyond the duties of your average management company. I hope they're not too mad at us. I hate dealing with stuff like this.

We've found our house

I know the pictures are a little dark, because Doug didn't open all the blinds before he took these. But, here's our house (most likely). We'll find out for sure either today or Monday. But, there's pretty much no way we'll be denied. It's 1633 square feet, and it was built between 2002-2004 so it's fairly new. I'm excited. There's a laundry room!! That means I no longer have to carry the laundry basket full of 5 loads of nasty clothes across the parking lot to the communal cat pee-smelling laundry room! That also means I'm done cleaning other peoples' bodily hair out of the lint trap! Yay for upgrades!! The house is in Anthem, and located across from the community park. I don't care how small the kitchen is at this point. It's $5 a month LESS than what we're paying for this craphole. Now, you all MUST get excited with me about that!!

Ah, family get togethers

are so much fun, especially when the mother-in-law storms out in a teary-eyed huff. This time it was my fault - sort of.

Everything was going well. She actually showed up this time to her grandchild's birthday party, which these days is a rarity. To be fair, her health is failing and she has a really hard time getting out of bed most days. So anyway, to our surprise she shows up, and after dinner she and my sister-in-law Mandi, and I were sitting together discussing an estranged family member. Mandi and I were defending said family member against mother-in-law's accusations about her. I have been getting VERY tired of the way this person has been portrayed by mother-in-law for YEARS. Now she's back on the warpath again, spewing venom about her very own daughter, which for the LIFE of me I don't understand. I ended up getting a little too emotional about the whole thing and opened my big mouth - basically contradicting every rotten thing coming out of mother-in-law's mouth. I tried doing this in a "nice" way, I guess to show her the error of her thoughts, and explain to her that this family member (her own daughter, remember?) has really tried to make a change in her life, and if she could just meet her in the middle, think of how great it would be to have so-and-so back in the family again. She wouldn't have it. ANY of it. She got really pissy when we didn't side with her, and at this point, Mandi brilliantly left the conversation. I should have followed her lead. I stayed, and it got worse. Much worse. She brought up something that happened years ago, which DID NOT happen the way she said it did. I called her on it, (nicely, I promise) and told her it didn't exactly happen that way - and that was the end of it. She couldn't handle it, and off she went crying into the bathroom. Dad came into the living room and made excuses for her telling everyone she wasn't feeling well - something about her ankle being swollen, so they had to leave. After about 5 minutes she exits the bathroom and makes a b-line to the front door without a word to anyone. How's that for drama?

Now, the reason I'm blogging about it, is I really can't let it go. It's upsetting to me. I'm upset because SHE's upset....because she acts like a 5 year old tantrum-thrower if she doesn't get her way. We were having an ADULT discussion, we were debating both sides of certain issues, and because I didn't agree with her she gets to act like a baby. I love my mother-in-law, in fact we are very close, like mother and daughter. We always have been close. I hope our relationship isn't damaged, but I'm sure she'll always hold this little episode against me. To be honest though, it was bound to happen. I'm so appalled at the way she speaks of her own daughter I couldn't hold it in anymore. Something had to be said. So, in that respect, I don't feel it was my fault. At least one thing's certain, it'll make saying goodbye a little easier when we move.

Our last lunch date.

Ursula was the first person I met out here besides Doug's family. She's been cutting his hair since he was 16. Doug figured she wouldn't like me because she really wanted him for her daughter. He was wrong! She liked me immediately because "I looked so German"--which is a good thing because she's from Germany. Over the years we've developed a friendship over pasta lunches at Olive Garden. Her husband hates the place, and so does Doug. So, we escape every now and then and stuff ourselves on breadsticks and salad, and gossip about our husbands. She adores the kids so much she jokes about banking Doug's sperm so her daughter can have beautiful blue-eyed babies like mine. Europeans can be a little forward.

I love her dearly, and I'll miss her very much. We'll meet up again in Sedona in a few months while they're there on vacation.