DIS. GUS. TING.

My downstairs neighbors probably think I'm being stabbed or tortured at various times throughout the day because of my sporadic loud screams. I can't even Google and post a picture of what freaks me out because I'll probably scream all over again and wake up the kids. Or, at the very least get the willie-nillies so bad I'll need to comfort myself with another brownie. And, that just won't do. So what's so incredibly horrible it makes me drop whatever I'm holding onto my big toe and let out a blood-curdling scream that sends Jared rushing into the kitchen thinking I must have surely cut off or stabbed part of my body? (How's that for a run-on sentence? Take THAT grammarians!) Want to know?

A cockroach. Yep. Big ones. Huge ones. Red disgusting creepy ones. I'd say they're at least 2-3 inches long. Did you read that?? INCHES people!! Every couple of days now we (I) find one of those nasty creatures in our sink. They only appear in the summer and they crawl up the drains to get water. Last summer I called the apartment manager freaking out, and she assured me there was no infestation, that they are "water bugs", ( Well, no lady. They are cockroaches) and that when the weather is cooler they'll go away. Well, she was right. They did go away. And all was fine and dandy in the world again until last week. They're back. And, back with a vengeance. I think they're bigger this year. The thing is, I literally CANNOT handle them. I can't kill them, I can't catch them, I can't even watch them crawl. I just stand there and scream and jump up and down and freak the heck out. I can handle spiders. I can handle poop, throw-up, bees, wasps...all no problem. Get me within viewing distance of a cockroach, and all reasoning goes out the window. I instantly panic, I have heart palpitations, and I literally cannot breathe. It's a little dramatic, I know but I can't help it! Now, the question is what the heck am I going to do if one of those monsters shows up while Doug is at work? I've been really trying to figure this one out. I wish Jared was one of those kids who thinks bugs are really cool, but he's not. I'm sure my reaction to them doesn't help the situation either. He's not necessarily AFRAID of them, he just doesn't really know how to handle them. They're fast suckers, and HUGE (3 inches, remember?). So far we've been able to just wash them back down the drain again. I can't bring myself to run the disposal on one. That's just....yuck....and eeeewwww I can't even discuss that right now. I wish there was a way of catching them and then flushing them down the toilet. Doug has done this, only I can't stand to watch. He needs to teach Jared how to trap it. I think I'll make that Jared's goal this summer, and I'll give him a nice reward to make it worth his while.

*As I'm typing this "Starship Troopers" is on TV in the background. Remember that movie? That's the one with the giant bugs with disgusting green guts that squirt everywhere. How's that for irony? Blech.