Saturday, January 27, 2007


I just experienced one of the most uncomfortable feelings in my life. I just finished reading a SEX SCENE from the novel my grandfather wrote! EEEEEEWWWWWWWW! And, let me tell you, it was explicit people!! I had to read things like "...revealing his own well muscled body and the erect phallus of his masculinity." And then, and THEN, as if that wasn't bad enough, he goes on to describe how in detail, they reach orgasm. ORGASM! And there was moaning. He used words like "delicate pulsations", and "eruptive explosion", "thrusting", and.. well...just...EWWWW! I mean, it's pornographic! Grandpa why? Why did you have to do that to me? I mean SERIOUSLY. Wasn't there a better way to write a love scene? Like, oh, I don't know...SKIPPING IT ALL TOGETHER? Okay, I hope and pray to GOD that was the last time I'll ever have to read words like that from my dear, sweet grandpa's novel. I have never even heard this man utter a bad word in his life, and he is the sweetest, gentlest person I have ever met. I would much rather pretend my mother came from immaculate conception, rather then his "stirring loins." (not that the book was about him, but just the fact that he wrote those words was just WRONG) Grandfathers don't have loins. They just don't. They have big comfy chairs, and magic tricks, and lots and lots of great Wisconsin cheese.

Now, excuse me while I go throw up.