Sunday, March 19, 2006

Winter's last hurrah

These photos were taken last week right outside our apartment. It was so fun to have an actual "winter" for a day or two. We made snowballs, caught big snowflakes on our tongues, and bundled in our warmest winter gear. It was so exciting to see a winter wonderland here in the desert. Afterwards we warmed ourselved by sipping hot chocolate. Yum!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

can't spell check. Forgive my spelling.

Now that I'm a mother, and nearing the age of 30, it's only natural I have a different perspective on life, and myself. I can honestly say that only just recently have I begun to truely know who I am, and what kind of person I've become. I never really knew myself before. I think I just did what everyone else did, and thought the way everyone else thought, and never really thought about what kind of things I like, or what personality type I was. I think for the most part people tend to find themselves earlier in life than this, but maybe I'm a slow learner. I've come to find out I'm a very shy person, and definatly a people pleaser. Maybe that's why it's taken me so long to figure out what I want in life, because I always wanted what others had, or wanted for me. I couldn't figure out why I didn't do well in school, or never had any desire to go to college and start a career. My friends went, I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I'm a very self-consious person, and I'm always wondering what people are actually thinking of me. Even when it comes to this blog, alot of times I don't write anything at all for fear of people judging my literary skills. I've come to find I'm very co-dependant, and need the approval of others all the time. I've never been comfortable in my own skin, and have often felt akward at social gatherings because I felt I didnt fit in. I guess that would explain my promiscuity during my short-lived college years. I didn't mean to be that way, but for the first time in my life, I felt pretty, and that boys actaully liked me. I felt like I fit in, and like I was actaully cool, if I acted and looked a certain way. Had I been more secure with myself I know I would have chosen a different path. Oh, if only I could have felt it was okay to be alone to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. If only I could have been so comfortable with myself I didn't need the approval of a man, to tell me I was worth something. I wish I could kick myself for ever being so clingy, and dependant on others. I know this is part of my personality, and I still deal with it today, but at least I know now. At least I know and understand my behavior. Being married to the type of husband I have completly clashes with my personality type. He hates the weak pathetic antics of a co-dependant person. He has little to no compassion, and for someone who desires compassion, and reassurace constantly, it makes for a very difficult marriage at times. At least I understand these things about us. It does make it easier to deal with. Being married, I have leaned so much about myself, and about other people too. Maybe I've finally grown up into a real life adult. Imagine that.

Friday, March 10, 2006

I am worth $1,445,018 on

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The party was a success

That's the Power Rangers cake. I don't think I'll ever get the red dye off my hands. We did have a great afternoon though. We let the kids run wild. Posted by Picasa

my 4-year-old striking a pose amongst the loot. Posted by Picasa

Jade with her Aunt Cammie Posted by Picasa

and finally, a self portrait before the event. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, March 04, 2006

after the storm.

Things are good. It's a lazy Saturday morning after a big storm, and the sun is shining. The air is crisp and clear, and it has a very distinct smell of the desert after a rain. It's earthy, and pungent, and wild, like sagebrush. I'm drinking a fresh cup of coffee and I haven't tasted one that good in a while. Jade is still asleep, and Jared is building ships out of leggos. The dishes are done, and the kitchen is clean. The presents are wrapped for Jared's party today, and I am enjoying a little bit of peace and quiet to myself. Today will be a big day, but it will be fun. I have to pick up the Power Ranger cake at 3:00, and then the balloons, and head over to the pizza place to reserve tables for the family. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone. Life feels good. I'm happy today.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Just an update

I'm feeling better now. Two glasses of wine helps. The next post will be much less depressing.