Sunday, March 19, 2006

Winter's last hurrah

These photos were taken last week right outside our apartment. It was so fun to have an actual "winter" for a day or two. We made snowballs, caught big snowflakes on our tongues, and bundled in our warmest winter gear. It was so exciting to see a winter wonderland here in the desert. Afterwards we warmed ourselved by sipping hot chocolate. Yum!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

can't spell check. Forgive my spelling.

Now that I'm a mother, and nearing the age of 30, it's only natural I have a different perspective on life, and myself. I can honestly say that only just recently have I begun to truely know who I am, and what kind of person I've become. I never really knew myself before. I think I just did what everyone else did, and thought the way everyone else thought, and never really thought about what kind of things I like, or what personality type I was. I think for the most part people tend to find themselves earlier in life than this, but maybe I'm a slow learner. I've come to find out I'm a very shy person, and definatly a people pleaser. Maybe that's why it's taken me so long to figure out what I want in life, because I always wanted what others had, or wanted for me. I couldn't figure out why I didn't do well in school, or never had any desire to go to college and start a career. My friends went, I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I'm a very self-consious person, and I'm always wondering what people are actually thinking of me. Even when it comes to this blog, alot of times I don't write anything at all for fear of people judging my literary skills. I've come to find I'm very co-dependant, and need the approval of others all the time. I've never been comfortable in my own skin, and have often felt akward at social gatherings because I felt I didnt fit in. I guess that would explain my promiscuity during my short-lived college years. I didn't mean to be that way, but for the first time in my life, I felt pretty, and that boys actaully liked me. I felt like I fit in, and like I was actaully cool, if I acted and looked a certain way. Had I been more secure with myself I know I would have chosen a different path. Oh, if only I could have felt it was okay to be alone to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. If only I could have been so comfortable with myself I didn't need the approval of a man, to tell me I was worth something. I wish I could kick myself for ever being so clingy, and dependant on others. I know this is part of my personality, and I still deal with it today, but at least I know now. At least I know and understand my behavior. Being married to the type of husband I have completly clashes with my personality type. He hates the weak pathetic antics of a co-dependant person. He has little to no compassion, and for someone who desires compassion, and reassurace constantly, it makes for a very difficult marriage at times. At least I understand these things about us. It does make it easier to deal with. Being married, I have leaned so much about myself, and about other people too. Maybe I've finally grown up into a real life adult. Imagine that.

Friday, March 10, 2006

I am worth $1,445,018 on

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The party was a success

That's the Power Rangers cake. I don't think I'll ever get the red dye off my hands. We did have a great afternoon though. We let the kids run wild. Posted by Picasa

my 4-year-old striking a pose amongst the loot. Posted by Picasa

Jade with her Aunt Cammie Posted by Picasa

and finally, a self portrait before the event. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, March 04, 2006

after the storm.

Things are good. It's a lazy Saturday morning after a big storm, and the sun is shining. The air is crisp and clear, and it has a very distinct smell of the desert after a rain. It's earthy, and pungent, and wild, like sagebrush. I'm drinking a fresh cup of coffee and I haven't tasted one that good in a while. Jade is still asleep, and Jared is building ships out of leggos. The dishes are done, and the kitchen is clean. The presents are wrapped for Jared's party today, and I am enjoying a little bit of peace and quiet to myself. Today will be a big day, but it will be fun. I have to pick up the Power Ranger cake at 3:00, and then the balloons, and head over to the pizza place to reserve tables for the family. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone. Life feels good. I'm happy today.