time away

I'm taking a break, or going on hiatus if you will. I'm totally unispired at the moment, and I'm frustrated with my inability to write as well as I'd like. I'm sure I will be back, eventually. I'll be reading my favorite bloggers probably on a fairly regular basis, so yes, I'll still be here, just not posting, for a while.

I'll leave you with this pic of Jared. He actually slept that way for quite a while. I love that little monster.

The Time Traveler's Wife. Read it.

Yesterday I finished my book and I haven't stopped thinking about it. Love should be that way, the way it is between Clare and Henry. There's is a love that transends time, and prevails through hardships beyond any that I could handle. There's is a love that lasts their lifetime, and I'm sad the book has come to an end. I've enjoyed getting to know these characters, and I'll miss them. This isn't really a romance novel, I'm not so much into those. It's more of a story of love over time. I highly recomend it. It's beautiful, riveting, enthralling, and heartwrenching. I'm glad I had the pleasure to read and experience this story. Now go out and get it!

me and Jared inside the Mirage 

happy on the ride home 

not so happy on the ride home 

the trip

Have you ever been outside in 117 degree heat before? Well let me explain what that feels like. As soon as you step out of your car, the hot wind slaps your face the way it does when you open an oven. Your eyes burn immediately, and that's the first thing you notice. Next you can feel the sun beat down on your head and you swear god is holding a magnifying glass up to the sun, the way little boys do to burn ants because there's no way the sun could actually be that hot. You begin to wonder if your hair is getting singed by the heat. Then you notice your feet. You can actually feel the heat radiating off the ground, the way it does in one of those old floor heaters. You also notice your movements are slow because it's actually uncomfortable to breathe in the hot air, and you feel as though you are walking through a furnace. That was the first day we arrived in Vegas. Thank god for air conditioning. We stayed at Excalibur. Right after check in we went down to the pool and had a much needed swim. Doug tried to get Jared to go down the waterslide, but he didn't want any part of it. I think it was intimidating to see the big kids come down and land with a big splash into the salty pool. I'd like to think it was salty because of the chemical treatments needed to sustain a pool that large, but it was probably all the sunscreen and sweat, not to mention the pee from all those little kids in there. You KNOW at least SOME of them peed. But, it was basically a public pool, so that's what you get. Yeah, yuck, but it was really fun and it felt nice to cool off. Later that night we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant at Circus Circus, and then headed over to the Bellagio to watch the water show and see the conservatory.

The next day we dragged ourselves out of bed and went down to the buffet in which we gorged ourselves senseless on everything from pancakes to enchiladas. Knowing full well it was hotter then Hades outside, we took the indoor moving sidewalk from Excalibur to the Luxor next door, and then on to Mandalay Bay where we spent a couple of hours at the shark reef where Jared got to pet some reef sharks and see jellyfish like in Nemo, and see sharks with jagged teeth which scared him a little. We took our time there, and enjoyed the air condition and the aquatic life. Later that night we headed over to Treasure Island to see the outdoor pirate show. And what I mean by "pirate show" is a bunch of hot half naked women provocatively dancing on a pirate ship accompanied by loud cannons, fire explosions, fireworks and a sinking ship. It's every man's fantasy, and I have to say I'm a little surprised it's open for public viewing because it was reeking of sexual innuendos. Years ago when I saw the show it wasn't nearly as raw, or as entertaining. Still, it was a good show for the most part. It was fun to watch, I'd have to admit.

The last day we checked out, and headed over to the Mirage to see the dolphin exhibit where we did indeed see dolphins, along with tigers, lions, and elephants. The sucky part about that was it being outside, and over 100 degrees. They did have those mister thingies you see at amusement parks to cool you off a little. Jared really liked this part of the trip because the dolphins swam right up to him and he could have touched one if he reached his hand out to it. Those animals are so awesome to watch. I think I want to swim with one sometime.

After the dolphins Doug and I got some frapacinos, and Jared had lemonade. We sat down inside the Mirage to cool off and relax. The boys then played in the arcade for an hour or so, and Jade and I went onto the terrace and watched the hotel guests relax and play in the pool. We then piled in the car and headed home. The kids were restless towards the end of the 4 hour drive, and when we finally got home I was glad to sit down on my own couch and sleep in my own bed. It was a great trip.

A nasty virus, and the diagnosis

The stomach flu has kicked my ass. Some bastardly virus has wormed it's way into my system rendering me almost completely bedridden for almost two days now. Thank god the kids aren't sick, and for pete's sake they better not get sick, either. I haven't been this sick in a while, and although my vomiting and diarrhea has thankfully stopped, I'm now very weak and tired, and have no energy to do anything but sit on my ass all day. Even getting up to change a diaper, or go to the bathroom is a chore, and I think this is probably how old people feel. Today I'm in a fog. It took me half an hour to read a post of one of my favorite bloggers. I'm wondering if I'll ever get better. This has been going on since Friday, and it's now Sunday. I'm hoping all will be well this Tuesday, because Doug's taking me to Las Vegas for my birthday. It will really suck if either one of us is sick, or kids. They're going with us, of course. Jade's still nursing, and I can't leave her overnight just yet. Well, I guess I could, I just don't want to. Not yet.

So, for those of you who are wondering about what the cardiologist had to say, it was nothing. Yep, that's right. Nothing. The stress test was normal as far as he was concerned. Yes, there were a few irregularities, but nothing worth worrying about, he says. So, it was all much ado about nothing I guess. I do have a slight mitral valve prolapse, but once again, nothing to worry about. So anyway, thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and for thinking of me. It's much appreciated. And now, let's hope this is the last health-related post I have for a while.

a smelly doctor visit

Jared's had a cough for the past couple of weeks, and just recently it's gotten worse, to the point he wakes up in the middle of the night and gags himself from coughing so hard. The other day he had a fever, so I decided to take him in to the doctor. Yesterday was our appointment, and surprisingly, Jared was very well behaved in the waiting room. I brought his sticker book along, and we matched alike items together on the pages. The last time he was seen by a doctor, he had a round of shots, thus his memory of the doctor is not a pleasant one.

His doc is a tall dark Indian man with a thick accent and a booming voice. I think he scared Jared a little when he came into the room, and spoke to him in his loud voice. Jared was very shy, and tried to hide behind me and whispered "I don't want him to hurt me". I was a little embarrassed because he was obviously afraid of him, and he was whimpering as he climbed up onto the examining table. I promised Jared he wouldn't hurt him, just examine his ears and throat, to see why he was coughing. So, without warning, this pediatritian, who works with children on a daily basis turns Jareds head, and sticks that thingy into his ear too have a look. Of course Jared doesn't like this, and I'm trying to play down the whole thing, so he doesn't end up getting mad, and yelling at the very inconsiderate doctor. He did the same thing with the other ear. Just turned his head, and without warning, inserted his weird looking instrument into Jared's ear. THEN, he grabs a tongue depressor, and tells him to open wide. Here we go, I thought to myself. You know, you'd think someone who works with children would know that three-year-olds can be very intimidated by strange men poking and prodding them, but maybe they didn't teach bedside manner at the school he went to. I mean, I know he had a lot a patients to work through, and probably didn't have the time for small talk, but for pete's sake, he could have at least explained to Jared what he was doing and why. Instead he just stuck that thing in his mouth and of course Jared squirmed and closed his mouth, so in the process of squirming, the tongue depressor caught the back of his throat, and Jared welled up huge tears and began sobbing "OWWWWWWWWW!!! Mommy, that hurts meeeeeeee!!!!".

And then he farted. RIGHT ON THE DOCTOR. Twice. Yep. And it stunk, BAD!!! I was so embarrassed, but Jared didn't care, he had his revenge as far as he was concerned.

It turns out he has a throat infection, so he's on antibiotics. I'm thinking of switching to a new pediatrician

today's happenings

Yesterday was my appointment with the cardiologist. Apparently, the halter monitor showed my heartrate peaked up to 185 a couple of times throughout the day, and he was a little concerned. So he ordered a stress test, which was done today. I basically had to walk on a treadmill with sticky things attatched to my chest, which was in turn attatched to a machine that recorded my heartrate while I walked briskly on the treadmill. My heartrate was at 75 before I started. The treadmill started at a moderate pace, the technition was questioning my reason for being there. "Sounds like it's stress" she said confidently. My breathing was getting labored, and my heartrate was climbing, up to 114 now. (the treadmill speeds up every three minutes) "Yes, that seems to make it worse, for sure, but even on a good day, when I'm relaxing in the bathtub, my heart begins to palpitate. And sometimes when I'm laying in bed my heart pounds so hard, I can hear a slight rustle of the sheets. I know that sounds crazy. Sometimes I'll wake myself up trying to catch my breath because my heart feels like it skipped a beat." "Hmmm" she said, watching the screen. By this point I'm pretty much out of breath, and my heartrate is up to 165. "Okay, you can stop now if you'd like. Your heart rate climbed up pretty quickly". I walk over to the chair and have a seat while she records my resting period. I can see on the monitor my heartrate slow down quite quickly, 95..86...73. "Wow, I've recovered pretty quickly" I said. And then, it happens. "Oh, we got something, right here. You paused between beats for let's see..... a second. That's significant. I'll monitor you a little longer." So there I sat, topless, boobs hangin out and all. I started to feel a palpitation again, and a little short of breath. I look up, and see my heart rate is up at 118. "that's bizarre" I said. "You'd think it would stay steady at a cool down". "There've been more pauses" she said, "and all of them are about a second long. A two second pause means you'd need a pacemaker." Once again, my heart rate dipped down to 80 something, and then climbed all the way back up to 135 this time. She recorded all of this, and it went on for about 10 minutes.

"Have you had the halter monitor yet?" "Yes about a month ago" "Follow me into my office and we'll take a look at the results then. Let's see if we can find anything funny". I sat there as she searched for my file, which was under a misspelled name. After looking at the results for a while, she said "ah-ha! Here we are. Your heartrate is at 90 here, and then suddenly jumps to 185. More pauses, intermittently, all over the place. I'm not sure if he (my doc) saw ALL of this. I'm going to highlight and print all of the significant stuff out, along with the results of the stress test, and give it to him right now. He may want you to come back today, or Monday."

So here I sit at home, and the day is almost over, with no call from the office. Just as well, because it's hotter then hell outside. Which brings me to the next subject. Our air condition broke. It's 100 and something degrees outside, and our damn air condition broke last night. I'm thanking my lucky stars the air people came out right away this morning and fixed it. So, anyway, back to the heart thing. I have an appointment already scheduled for Friday, at 10:40, and we will see if he needs to see me sooner then that. I doubt it. I've lived with this palputating, eurythmia crap for years now. One more week isn't going to make a huge difference.

Independence Day

Going to Bakersfield every 4th of July has been a tradition in my family since I was about 5. My grandparents have a huge pool with a diving board, and we swam until we were water-logged and sunburned. We then stuffed our faces with barbecued hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and baked beans. Homemade ice cream usually followed for dessert. As it got dark, we'd light off those expensive ground fireworks that were illegal in the county I grew up in. In Bakersfield though, they had little fireworks stands on every corner. We would head on over to Linda's house who lived about two miles away from my grandparents, and right across the street from the college where the big fireworks were launched. For some reason, 4th of July in Bakersfield in a really huge deal, kind of like the east coast. People have block parties, and launch bottle rockets, and almost every house has an American flag either draped out front, or in my grandparents case, atop a flagpole. People sit on their front lawns with Uncle Sam tophats, and party favors anxiously awaiting the grand display of fireworks the city puts on from the college. And I mean grand in every sense of the word. It's a thirty five minute show of some of the most beautiful fireworks I've ever seen. They come right over our head, since we are right across the street and all. During the finale, the entire sky lit up, so much so, the Jared asked if the sun was coming up. It's amazing. I'm so glad I'm able to share this with my kids. Independence Day is one of my favorite holidays, and I have some of the best memories of my childhood in Bakersfield on that day. After the kids fell asleep on the way home last night, we finished off the day listening to Team America's theme song, "America, Fuck Yeah". You can't beat it. You just can't. 

the boys 

worn out little girl 

Yesterday's festivities

Went to my niece Breanna's 6th b-day party yesterday at my sis-in-law Kelly's house. We all had fun, and despite the nasty blisters Jared got on his feet from the Sponge Bob bouncy house, he had a good 'ol time. 

pick a winner Jared! 

The girls.  

watching the video game. I finally got a pic of Doug, not a very good one, but a picture nonetheless. 

she's mastered pulling herself up to a standing position by herself this past week. We had to lower her crib. 

bad mama

Alas, another "complaining" post. Sorry folks.
For those of you who have read this blog for a while, you'll know I have an "angeliclly challenged" three-year-old.

So today I spanked Jared. Harder then usual. Totally inappropriate behavior on my part. I hate spanking him. Hate it, and I always feel guilty afterwards, and I hug and console, and apologize. The thing is, he doesn't act like he really cares. He doesn't cry, he just whines a little, and then stands in the hallway for time out. When I was a kid, I bawled everytime I was spanked. I'm not saying I want to physically hurt him, and make him cry from the pain, but for some reason it pisses me off when he acts non-chalant about it. Maybe because I feel somewhat undermined in my authority. He talks back ALL the time, and I think he sees himself as an equal to me, rather then a child vs parent. In some aspects that's a good thing. I don't want him to be afraid, or feel intimated by me in any way, but I surely want him to know that I'm the mom, and what I say goes. Sounds like a dictatorship doesn't it? But c'mon, he's 3. Of course I let him have his own opinions. He can wear what he wants, he can choose what he wants to eat for lunch (within reason, of course), he decides what games we play. So I do let him be himself. But he's such a stubborn little shit sometimes. Then again, the apple doesn't fall from the tree. I'm going to have to figure out how to punish him without spanking. It's not working, and I don't want to keep hitting my child. After all, what excatly is that teaching him? Nothing positive, that's for damn sure. I'll try some other things, and let you all know how it goes. Good luck to me.

I stole this from him, who stole it from Penny

3s

3 NAMES YOU GO BY:
Care-dog (highschool), Care-bear (elementary school), sexy (only by Doug...and occasionally Christa)


3 PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
I don't like very many, but I'd have to say hair, smile, eyes.


3 PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
German, English, French


3 THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
loosing my kids, living an unhappy life, ghosts


3 OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
blogging/reading, bikeride with Jared, doing dishes


3 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
t-shirt, wedding ring, underwear


3 OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVORITE BANDS:
Hmmmm, I don't really have favorite bands, I like songs.


3 RECENTLY WATCHED MOVIES
Episode 3, After the Sunset, Shark Tale


3 REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES:
realized I could do better, we grew apart, fell out of love


3 THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
honesty, friendship, respect

3 PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
eyes, jaw, shoulders

3 OF YOUR FAVOURITE PASTIMES:
traveling, reading, bloging

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW:
make coffee, take a shower, take jarred outside before it gets hot.

3 CAREERS YOU HAVE CONSIDERED OR ARE CONSIDERING:
astronaut (this was when I was a kid people), preschool teacher, ultrasound tech

3 PLACES YOU WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL TO:
Fiji, civil war monuments, UK

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
raise my kids well, accomplish something to be proud of, travel back to Europe