Nurse Shirley and all the drama

Today I had to go in for my postpartum 6-week check, even though Jade is like 11 weeks old now. My original appointment was about 2 weeks ago, but it was actually snowing that day and I didn't want to drive in the slush. For those of you who are reading this that don't know, I live in the desert in SoCal so I wasn't really accustomed to driving in the snow, let alone rain for crying out loud. So I resecheduled my appt. for today. Now, I go to this ghetto ass clinic because when I got pregnant Doug was unemployed and we had to get Medical. (bad freakin timing to get knocked up huh?) Anyway, I get there and I'm sitting in the waiting room when nurse Shirley, begins ranting and raving about how "racist this clinic is, and I'm gonna sue all yo' sorry white asses" What the frick? Are you kidding me? There are about 15 or so of us out in the waiting room listening to her ramble on and on about this nonsense. (apparently she's not very bright because the door was wide open and anyone within 1 mile of her could hear the conversation, or maybe she did it on purpose) We all just looked around at each other and had that look of "she is ghe-tto". The thing with nurse Shirley is, she is a raging bitch, no one likes to work with her, no one likes to be her patient, hell, when she walks by, it's like a cold wind passing and I shudder. No lie. I'm probably not the only one either. Nurse Elaine says they've been trying to get rid of her for a while but she keeps threating to sue for racist crap. Whatever. I hate when people play the racist card. No, ya biznatch no one is racist, you just SUCK!! Get over it already, ya know?
So finally I get in to see the Doctor. Apparently, I can't get on birth control pills, because I have had sex using a condom. Yup, I waited 6 weeks after Jade was born to do the deed, and we used a condom. Welllll, a condom is only about 90 percent effective. So there may be a chance I could be pregnant again, thus I can't start pills until I start my period. Okay, well I'm BREASTFEEDING. I probably won't start my period until she's like, 9 or 10 months old. Hell no doctor, give me the dang pills already. So I talked him into giving me a pregnancy test to prove that I am NOT pregnant. Well, I have to go back again in 2 weeks to retake it, just to make sure it's negative. Yes folks, it was negative. So in two weeks, after I PROVE that I am not pregnant, then I can get on the pill. Sheesh! I had no idea it was such a huge deal to use condoms. You should have heard him! "Oh, you used condoms and that's it? Well they are only 90 percent effective." "Oh really Doctor? I am such a freaking idiot! What the hell was I thinking?"

Boys have a penis, girls have paginas!

Alright already!! Holy crap! At least I know I am loved and missed in the world of bloggers!!! Ugh! Kind of been a tough week here. So guess what? Yup Doug sure as hell got a freakin lap dance, and not just one, noooooo he got 3. Yes, 3. I don't think I have to tell you how crappy I have felt all week, how inadequate, and undesirable, and incredibly unsexy. I bet none of those damn stipping homwreckers have stretchmarks from pushing out kids, or saggy boobs from a couple years of breastfeeding. . He said it was some "harmless fun". I am sure thats all it was, but I am soooo jealous. Anyway, as you can tell, I am a little bitter.. Okay, enough of that. I don't really want to dwell on it.
On a lighter note, April, I am so glad you have a blog now!! I'm going to read it all the time bug you with comments! I have to figure out how to post some pictures.

So Jared and I had "the talk". Well, not actually the sex talk, just the private parts talk. Okay, so we are driving home from the store one day and Jared says out of the blue "I have a penis, and daddy has a penis"
I say "yes Jared that's right" then he says "Holden has a penis too, but mine is bigger" (holden is his cousin who is a year and a half). I say "yes Jared, all boys have a penis". Then Jared says " So what does Aunt Mandi have?" Uhhhhhh, what? Now at this point I have no idea what to say. Should I just tell him about vaginas or should I just say "you'll find out when your older son". After thinking about this for a few seconds, I said "Mandi has a vagina". Jared says "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes, I do". Then Jared, "oh, does Jade?" Me: "yes Jared, all girls have vaginas". Jared: Oh, so boys have a penis and girls have a pagina" I could have died. He's not even 3 yet! The embarassing thing about it all was when he asked Mandi if she did indeed have a pagina that night when we saw her. Kids really do say the darndest things don't they! Gotta love em though!!

just stuff

Finally! I finally have a moment to myself to write. I feel like a big fat sweaty slob right now. I just finished the housework and haven't showered in about 3 days. Needless to say, I don't smell like roses. My dark roots are about 3 inches from where they are supposed to be, and I'm about 15 lbs heavier then I was before I got preggo with Jade. My self confidence level is squat. Mandi (my sister-in-law) goes to the gym on a regular basis, so hopefully I can join her soon. I really need to shed this extra weight. It's driving me crazy.
So I was reading some other blogs out there and let me just say that you people are just down right hilarious. Some of you are such good writers, and you are so witty, it's almost like reading a novel. My friend Christa is that way. I love reading her blog. She's one of the most intelligent people I know. So let me just put a little disclaimer here: I am in no way very good at writing, I am not very witty, I don't have a very interesting life, and my blog probably won't be very funny. But that's okay right? I can just talk about anything I want. After all, this is my journal. I guess you guys don't really have to read if you don't want to.

So I guess I should talk about Doug. Basically he's my spouse equivalent. We have been together 5 years and have 2 kids, but aren't legally married. Okay, well he is going to a strip club this weekend with his brother-in-law and brother. Now, I have a problem with this. Not so much that he is going to see strippers strip, but he mentioned something about them all getting lap dances. Excuse me? I DON'T think so. Lap dance my ASS. No one should be touching him in that way but me. It's totally inappropriate in my opinion and I have told him so. At first I totally freaked out about it and pretty much went "psycho" (in his words) . After my little hissy fit, I just let it go. So..... I guess we will see what happens on Sunday night. It's his choice. BUT.... he will have to deal with me if he does! (laughs with an evil tone) I will write more tomorrow, Jade is hungry. sigh

I guess I have a new hobby

Hey there! I'm not really sure how all this works. This is my first post ever in any online journal. I initially tried to post a comment on my friend Christa's blog, and somehow ended up starting my own blog. Hmm, go figure. I always make things more complicated then they need to be. Might as well make the best of it. Might be fun to have a journal. Even if nobody reads this, it might be theraputic at the end of the day.
So I came up with the name rubyjade pretty quickly. My absolute favorite gemstone is a ruby (also my birthstone) and my 2-month-old daughter's name is Jade. Pretty clever if I do say so myself. You might take notice that I'm not very good at grammer and that sort of thing. I'm also not a very good writer. But ya know, I figure that the more I write, the better I (hopefully) will get. I think it might be a new hobby from now on. I'm going to have to ask Christa how post pictures and things so you can see how beautiful my kids are. Yes, I know all moms say that, but my kids truely are beautiful. Okay, I think I am done for now, I will sign off and write more tomorrow. Now I need to figure out how to post a damn comment on Christa's blog!

Carriejolynn