Feeling down today.

It's no secret to many that my marriage isn't the greatest. I won't go into detail, but I am fairly good at sucking it up and just dealing with it. I do have my bad days though, and today is one of them. Nothing unusual was done or said; just feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself today, which is weird because no matter how bad it gets I can get over myself and move on with my day. Shoot, I can't even write well. I'm going to continue though, because this blog is therapy for me. I post every once and a while about my personal struggles, but not nearly as much as I admittedly have them. I'm so glad I've made friends here in AZ, and I promised myself I WOULD NOT be known as that girl with the bad marriage who needs a weekly therapy session at Starbucks to release her never-ending marital drama, looking for a tissue and a pat on the back. NOPE. They do not need to know, and they don't need their lives filled with my drama. Neither do you all. But some days.....some days I simply feel I cannot handle it alone. That's why, my friends, I am letting it out for you all to read. My marriage sucks. Plain and simple. It has been pretty bad for years and years. Some days I try my hardest to pretend it's fine, but usually the truth lurks deep down inside. I have a good way of lying to myself in order to keep from completely falling apart, especially for my kids' sake. I'm pretty sure he does not love me anymore and not to sound completely pitiful, but most days I doubt he cares about me at all. To answer your question, right now there is nothing I can do about this. Maybe one day I can, but now is not the time. So for now, I trudge along in the trenches and try to emotionally survive. Most days I can survive, in fact I have actually learned to thrive. But today, I'm simply trying to breathe.