Maybe I don't have a right to be jealous, but I am. I'm jealous that Doug takes Taekwando 3 nights a week, and I'm at home with the kids. I'm jealous that Doug goes over to his brother-in-law's house for a "guys" night to watch movies. The kids and I aren't invited. The brother-in-law made that very clear. I'm jealous that he can go over to his brother's house for a guys night of games, and I'm at home with the kids. ( he actually didn't go tonight though) I'm jealous because Doug can go anywhere he wants to without the kids. I can't. Doug and I haven't been on a date in at least 6 months. I haven't been alone with my girlfriends in almost a year. I just want 2 hours for Christ's sake to be Carrie. All I am anymore is mommy. Wherever we go, I am constantly worrying about hungry children, leaky boobs, Jared's behavior, dirty diapers, going potty, and holding hands in the parking lot, among other things. I need some alone time. The last time I was actually without any children at all was at my baby shower in October. I need to feel like I have an identity, other then my children's' mother. This is my life everyday, all day, with absolutely no breaks whatsoever. I am starting to feel suffocated. I need a breath of fresh air. This monotony is driving me to the point of loosing myself. I'm just a robot who goes through the motions, doing the same things everyday. Nothing changes. I'm way past bored, I'm numb. I need to be away for a while to be a better mother, to stop yelling, and stop getting so irritated all the time. I miss the days of just enjoying my kids, their cute idiosyncrasies, and the sound of their laughter. Now it annoys me. Everything does. I need to escape this, I need to get away. Just for 2 hours, is that too much to ask? No, I don't think it is. I want to go to the spa and get a manicure and pedicure, and maybe a massage. I want to go to the mall by myself and buy a pretty outfit, with matching shoes and everything. I want to go on a romantic date with Doug, just the two of us, and enjoy a nice dinner together with interesting conversation. I miss that. I need that. Maybe it will happen soon. Maybe I sound bitchy and whiny, and for that I'm sorry. But it is what it is. I'm allowed to bitch and moan sometimes, it's a god given right to me as a mother. I'm off to bed now, finally.
I spilled an entire bowl of chili on my beige carpet today. Nice.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Just breathe
Posted by Carrie at 11:00 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
awww, thanks Kelly. I don't know if Greg wants the kids to come over so late though. They usually play cash flow pretty late! How did you get the marker out off the tile?
Hey, girl. I feel for you, I do. I wish you had MORE than two hours, though, like a WHOLE AFTERNOON to come visit your verybestfriendinthewholewideworld (uh, yeah, that would be me).
I hope you feel better, and I really really hope that you guys get some alone time, and that you stop eating chili in the living room.
LOVE YOU!
Oh, hon. It's time for a girls night out. I don't know how old your kids are (this is the fist post I read), but you NEED to get some time to do what you want. It's one of those really important things in life. Do you have family nearby? Friends? Someone who can give you the couple hours you need? 'Cause if mama ain't happy, NOBODY's gonna be happy. Find a way, lady. It's not petty!
Thanks guys! Part of the problem is I am still nursing Jade every 2 hours. (she's only 3 months old)So it's kinda hard to get out. Plus, Doug's mom is nuts, so we don't really have a babysitter! Although Doug's siblings have offered, and we just may take them up on that!
OK, baby being 3mo does but a spin on things. Doesn't mean you can't get away, but it does make things a bit more challenging. Figure out an activity and (since I don't recommend not nursing when you are still establishing your supply... yes, at 3 months, you're still establishing some) you can always get someone to bring you the baby, have a quick nurse and get back to the hooting good times! This works brilliantly... just ask me how I know! ;)
Um.. I can relate and I think that since Doug actually lives with you and has to live with you, he should darn well be offering to stay at home a night here and there so that you can go out, before you lose your mind!
On the otherhand.. why don't you just say, "Doug, you have to stay with the kids this Friday(Tuesday, Sunday, etc..) because I made some plans."
Ruby can you pump Breastmilk? Or, does your little one sleep through the night, yet? You need a few hours out.
Hey RubyJade -
Thought I'd visit after your nice comment at my blog.
I've been through what you're talking about, from the guy's perspective, and definitely understand.
Whatever you do, don't resign yourself to being trapped in the house with the rugrats. Make plans, figure out how to get away, and most definitely make the date with Mr. RubyJade.
Just approach him proactively and positively, so he'll feel good about helping you solve the problem. Lots of women don't realize how easy men are to influence as long as the approach is with honey instead of battery acid. (Not that I think that's your approach at all.)
Finally, choose to enjoy them while they're young. Even the stuff that drives you nuts is making good memories for when they're grown and out.
Post a Comment