So lets see.... Jared's birthday get together with Doug's side of the family is Sunday. That should be fun. I get along really well with his family, they are good people. His mom is a little on the crazy side though- no really she's crazy, certifiable I tell you. Lately she's been even crazier then normal, so no one in the family really wants anything to do with her. There was an incident in December involving an overdose of tylenol, but she swears she wasn't trying to kill herself. Makes sense really, because in her former non-crazy life she was a nurse. She knows that a handful of tylenol won't do the job. I don't even think she got her stomach pumped. The thing is, she struggles with depression. She blames pretty much everyone in her life for her depression, including her own children. She swears nobody loves or cares about her, and she quite literally is sad every time I see her. THAT is the reason her kids won't go see her, not because nobody loves her. She has very young, impressionable grandkids, and we don't really want them around sad, depressed nana, (and she's crazy, did I mention that?) It's gotten to the point where Doug doesn't even want her watching our kids anymore, and pretty much all his siblings feel the same way. I guess he's afraid of what she'll do when the kids are there. Now, I have no doubt in my mind that she would never in any way hurt her grandchildren. To her, they are the only thing good in her life. But her own children know best, I suppose. After all, they have seen her sickness and dealt with it their entire lives. She pretty much lives in her bedroom, she sleeps ALL DAY LONG. She blames her poor loving husband for EVERYTHING, this woman is all about guilt trips. She used to treat Doug and his sister Shanna pretty badly when they were growing up, and I think that all plays a part in the reason Doug hasn't spoken to her in almost a year. (they only live a little over a mile away) I realize I may have painted a horrible picture of my mother-in-law. But really folks, I lover her dearly and I care about her well-being. I try to visit her about once a week with the kids so she feels loved. That's probably the highlight of her week, since she can't stand her own family that lives at their house. Yes, it's exhausting dealing with a crazy person, that's why her kids have pretty much written her off. We have tried to help, but nothing we tell her helps or changes anything. We've tried to be there for her, but she pushes us away. All one can do is love her, and tell her how much we care, but of course that's not enough. Nothing is.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
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4 comments:
You are very sweet, and have the patience of a SAINT. I don't know how you do it, girl, because that woman sounds like a triiiiiiiip.
I agree with Doug, though, about leaving the kids with her... I mean if he feels like it's not a good idea then he probably knows what he's talking about.
*Probably.* LMAO
Yeah, she's been taking meds for this for years. AND she has a therapist she has been going to for about 10 years or so. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
I agree. If she has been seeing a therapist for ten years, she needs a new therapist. Maybe she has something a little more going on than simple depression. It sounds like she needs a psychiatrist who is willing to take the time to find a medication that works and who will use the drug WITH therapy.
My mom is bipolar. She is wonderful and energetic and sweet and giving and compassionate and has endless energy. She is also devastatingly miserable which manifests passive aggressively and is so transparent, is torture for those around her, at times. The best thing I found to do is to let her visit and talk and go on and not try to change too much. She appreciates the presence of another.
Keeping this a weekly trip of yours and not daily, will keep you sane, too. I would explain it to your children, so that they can come to learn from it or think critically about it, as an experience.
I had to live with my crazy grandfather once for a summer and my father told me to view it for what it was. Some valuable insight into the psyche of a very sick man. It gave me compassion and empathy, that I didn't have before.
I removed myself from that situation before it hurt me. Sounds like you are doing the right thing to me. You are giving of yourself, but not at the mental expense of yourself or your children.
From what I understand, her therapist has "saved her life" on several occasions. There is definalty much more going on then depression. Like I said, she's crazy, literally. I guess she's much worse off of meds. I dunno. It's just a complicated mess. I try to stay out of it cuz it's so exhausting being involved in all the drama, you know?
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