I couldn't sleep last night because I have been thinking about alot of things lately. I wasn't going to post about this in my blog, but my mood is such that this is consuming me. Today I feel unloved by the person whom I love the most in the entire world, besides my children. I feel like he can't stand the sight of me, and he hates comming home to me. I feel like I am constatly chasing him to get any affection because he wants nothing to do with me at times. I feel so pathetic and needy and clingy when I beg for a kiss, or a hug and then he reluctantly gives in half-heartedly. I have been making excuses for him when he does this thinking "he's just tired from work". But in reality, I just think he is just plain sick of me. I think he stopped loving me a while ago. I think he tolerates me because I am his childrens mother. I have come to grips with this after thinking about it for some time. I don't feel like he respects me for who I am as a person, with feelings, and thoughts of my own. I feel like he doesn't like any aspect of me, that the very sound of my voice irritates him, and the touch of my hand disgusts him. He pulls away from me when I approach and acts like he doesn't know I am trying to get affection. I am so hurt, I feel lonely, I need him because I love him more that he knows, and he doesn't want me. I am pathetic. I am that weak dependant person he can't stand, and for that I hate myself.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
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6 comments:
That's no way to live. You should really talk. Nothing is going to change or improve if you don't communicate. Everyone deserves to be loved, man. :/
Steve, is it that you don't find her attractive anymore? Or you've just been married a while, and the novelty of it has worn off? It helps to know others are in somewhat of the same boat.
Honey, I am so sorry. I wish you didn't feel this way. Just remember everything we've talked about, and remember how special you are.
I love you. :)
My two cents (or one cent as the case may be) is that Robin has it right.
But, whatever you do or don't do is up to you and needs to be respected by the people close to you. It sounds like you have a lot of close friends and friends can be great resources.
I hope he begins to see that there is a problem, because he can't be happy either. Maybe he just doesn't have the knowledge of what the 'problem' is or how to go about trying to 'fix' it.. men won't admit to anything they can't fix. I hope it's that simple.
But, if not, I hope you do what you can to keep happy and healthy for you and your kids.
You deserve to be loved. And, love is a verb darlin'.
Steve.. shame on you. ;)
I hope I don't offend you with this comment, but here goes. I was reading your previous post about your husband and a bachelor party at a strip club. My first thought was, wow he does not respect her at all!! The fact that he would tell you (rub in your face) what he was going to do, mainly to get a rise out of you, go against your wishes and then come back and brag about it, was just plain rude. I think sitting down and talking with him is necessary for your piece of mind and sanity. No one ever needs to feel like they are begging for a kiss, hug, or kind word. You are the mother of his children, he needs to love and appreciate you. I hope things get better and this comment does not upset you.
Would it help at all to suggest you're going through what I suspect almost every married couple with little children goes through.
There's no way I could ever tell you what your guy's thinking, but I could tell you what I've been through.
There's heavy stress in having a young family to take care of while trying to build a career. What I didn't need at the time was a lot of additional stress from dramatics at home.
What I would have responded most positively to (and still would today, come to think of it), is coming home to a wife who isn't needy or demanding, but supportive and loving.
Just be there for him, take an interest in how things are going at work without being overly inquisitive, and give him affirming comments.
As for talking, yeah, I'm with everybody else. But make an appointment at a time where you're both relaxed and there won't be any interruptions. Be very specific about what you want - guys aren't very good at understanding "feelings". And if you ask for too much, he'll feel overwhelmed and might shut down.
So, most importantly, try not to be confrontational. Mix in the things he's doing right and give him plenty of chances to tell you what he wants.
Just a little advice from life experience from uncle dan. Good luck!
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