Helping to clean the bowl. Yum. 

Today she's 1

Happy Birthday to my Jadie Baby. I can't believe it's been a whole year since I first laid eyes on her. I don't care what anyone says, yes, I still remember the agonizing pain the 8lb, 12 oz offspring of mine bestowed on me and my poor insides. She was defiantly worth it though, just look at that face. She now walks, and runs, dances (preferably to Vanilla Ice, but whatever), says mom-mom, da-da, and ca-ca (that's cracker). She's the sweetest little girl, and I can't put into words how much I love her, and how grateful I am to have her in my life.  

a new post, and it's a bit depressing.

Nothing is inspiring me right now.I know I've been neglecting my blog, but I'd rather not write anything at all if I have nothing nice to say. And frankly, I don't. But, if you all must know, I've been rather depressed lately. I feel like a ghost in my own home most of the time, hoping to get the slightest attention from the one person who vowed to love me forever, through good times and bad. It's not that he's being mean, it's that I simply don't matter anymore. I'm just one more mouth to feed, and one more annoyance in his life. He doesn't love me anymore, and I can see how little he cares for me when he looks right through me. There's no physical contact, and I think the thought of it disgusts him. We are courteous to each other, and every now and then he'll joke a little with me, and so for an instant I feel like things are back to normal, and I almost forget not to touch his hand or put my arm around him in a flirtatious manner. That's when it hurts the most, because I remember that things are in fact NOT normal, and I retract my hand with a lump in my throat. I fake my happiness for my kids, so they don't see how heartbroken and utterly depressed I am. I fake it in front of him, so he doesn't really know how empty and lonely I am. I'll just push him away even further with my display of "weakness". Going to the gym 5 days a week helps, because just for that hour or so, I can be in my own world working on me. I'm in the best shape of my life, and he won't even look at me. I could literally walk naked around the house and he wouldn't even look up from the damn tv. Im taking one day at a time, and some days are fine, and some aren't. Sometimes I want to throw a tantrum and break everything in the house, but I can't. Those are the bad days. I sleep next to him every night, but I sleep alone, and I'm empty.

Here we are at my in-law's house after a fun filled night of trick-or-treating. Unfortunatly, I couldn't get a good one of the kids, I think they'd had enough Halloween at that point. Jared's the green Power Ranger, and Jade's Minnie Mouse, if you couldn't tell. We had a nice night. 

my sis in law Mandi and I. I am wearing a tail, but I guess I wasn't turned enough. 

my son, the pimp

So, apparently Jared has a girlfriend at preschool. Her name is Gracie and she wears a Strawberry Shortcake sweatshirt. Last night he was telling us about her, and how he tried to catch her as she jumped down from the monkey bars. In fact, he's so taken with her, that last night before he took his shoes off he said very matter-of-factly "Gracie's my girlfriend". And then before he brushed his teeth "Gracie's my girlfriend". And again as he hopped into bed "Gracie's my girlfriend". Today he hasn't really mentioned her. I guess that's good. After school today, Mrs. Lynn took me aside and commented on how well Jared is behaved and that he's doing very well in preschool. She said during coloring he came and sat down next to her and said "Sooooo, where'd you get those green eyes?" *Sigh* I'm gonna have to watch that kid.

first day of preschool

It went well, although I had to pretty much drag his ass out of bed. He had an "incident" at 4 am and he was pretty damn tired this morning at 7:30 when I woke him up. When we arrived, all the kids were playing in the back where she had a giant trampoline, and a huge swingset. Jared took to the trampline right away. After a few minutes of playtime, they went inside for a story, after which I left. He was pretty shy at first, but Mrs. Lynn said he warmed up towards the end. I think he's really going to love this. He has more homework. This time he is to bring something red from home and share it with the class. I think he's going to build a tower out of red leggos. So, the first day went well. Thank god.

As for me, well, I've been sweating my ass off at the gym about 4 days a week, and I love it. LOVE it I tell you. I've been getting better too. I'm no longer the one clutching my chest sprawled out on the floor trying to get a breath of air so I don't die of a heart attack. I'm totally hanging in there now, and it feels good to make progress. And, I LOVE my yoga class. Yes Penny, you were right. Where the hell are you anyway? I also LOVE my striptease class. I'm telling you, it's the greatest thing. Now I have an excuse to shake my ass without going to some meat market of a club, in which I'm way to old for anyway. It's a ladies only gym, and all the middle aged moms shake their money makers like they did ten years ago before they were soccer moms. Yeah, it's fun. Anyway, that's it for today. Gotta make dinner.

Screaming fits of rage

Yep. That's my daughter's new favorite pastime. For the past week or so she's been plopping herself onto the floor screaming with madness at the slightest inconvenience. If she's hungry, she screams. If she doesn't get her way, she screams. If I walk out of the room, she screams. When she wakes up, she screams. When she's trying to poop, she screams. And, it's not just the high-pitched girly scream. It's kind of a demonic, warrior battle-cry scream. I'm blaming it on teething, because god only knows how quickly that child will end up locked in the closet if this is more then temporary. (I'm kidding, people, sheesh) Anyhow, my ears aren't bleeding, yet. I guess that's a good sign.

In other news, Jared starts preschool this coming Tuesday. I am so excited for him. He is too. I'm a little nervous though, about how he'll act around the other kids. God, please let him be nice to the other kids. He usually interacts just fine with other children, but with his cousin Holden, sometimes he doesn't play so nice. I think it's just the relationship between the two, as in Jared thinks he's the boss. I'm crossing my fingers he won't say "I love pink taco". Billy and Mandi's friend Darcy taught him that one. Yeeeeahhhhh, that's gonna stop. Anyway, I'll let you all know how his first day turns out.

the wrath of Katrina

Lately I haven't been able to watch the news as much, and until yesterday, I had no idea how devastating the hurricane actually was. I have been reading some online news articles about the devestation, and it's sureal to me. New Orleans is literally under water with thousands expected to be dead. There's no power, water, or food to many of the small communities in the south, and some of the refugees are dehydrated, and sick. A one year-old baby died the other day due to heat exhaustion. Dysintary is now sitting in, in some small communities due to raw sewage and rotting corpses the hurricane has left behind. Rescuers are searching house by house for any survivors, and and to dispose of the bodies. I know there are a number of relief efforts helping in the south right now, and they are doing all they can, but I just wonder if it's enough. It's so weird to me that we have a disaster of this magnatude in our own country. It's so nieve of me to think this only happens in other places, and that we are exempt from catastrophical disasters. I think we as Americans are all reeling from this, and I just pray to God these people will be alright. I hope they can rebuild their lives, and their homes, and busineses. I hope New Orleans will once again be a lively city, full of energy and life, a city which so many people have come to love. I don't think it will ever be the same again. I have been there once, and it truely is one of America's most treasured cities. I hope the spirit of New Orleans will shine through in the end, and that one day this disaster will be but a distant memory.

Jared's homework. I think he did pretty well, considering he doesn't like to color or do art projects, and for being 3. At least he colored MOSTLY in the lines. 

I caught her mid-hop. She LOVES to dance anytime music is playing. That seems to be her new trick. She even does it on command. At nine months she now waves bye-bye, says uh-oh, and cruises all around the furniture, but not walking on her own yet. Oh, and she's now starting to throw monster tantrums if she doesn't get her way. Nice. 

Jared's doing great. He starts preschool on the 13th of this month and he's excited as hell. He's already had a "homework" assignment. Registration papers arrived in the mail a few days ago along with a picture of a tree he was instructed to color, and then put apple stickers on. He did quite well. 

a new post, and a new outlook

I feel like blogging, so I will. Screw it. As most of you who read me on a fairly regular basis know, I grew up in a very religeous household. One of the many things engrained into my young impressionable self was to always listen to the still small voice. No, not THOSE kind of voices, (I know what some of you may be thinking. Hardy-har) but that calm rational voice in the back of your thoughts that always seems to get burried underneath our logical, sensible, seemingly reasonable thougts. You know the one. Sometimes out of the blue you decide to take the long way home, for no reason at all, or you check in on a friend because all of a sudden you felt the urgency. Sometimes it can calm you down in the midst of a crisis. That little thought that says "it's okay. Take a step back, and a deep breath". That's the kind I'm talking about. I keep hearing it over and over. I've been one huge ball of stress with the I-can-do-anything-because-I'm-a-superwife syndrome. You know what? My damn house isn't going to get clean every freaking day. Dinner isn't going to be cooked every damn night. It's okay to cheat and use those Lysol sanitizing wipes on the sink and toilet when company is comming over. I don't have to clean the kids room every stinking day. Or mine, for that matter. And if there's dust on the TV, you can suck my ass if you don't like it. (I didn't literally mean YOU)

Here's what I've been realizing: My kids are young NOW. Now is the time to spend with them. The housework can wait. I'm a stay at home mom, and that means it's my responsibility to teach them and spend quality time with them, and make the day pretty much about THEM. I can work on me later in life. I can do the things to better myself when they are older. There's plenty of time for that, an entire lifetime to learn, and work on personal goals. I've been completly stressing out about not being able to take time for me, to work on the things I'd like to do for myself. Not just quiet time, but life altering changes, to better myself, and not just be "a mom". I need to step back and look at the big picture of life. This is such a short time. I'm not relishing Jade's infancy because I'm too selfish thinking about myself, wondering when oh when can I just leave her for a few nights for a weekend getaway without the kids. Stop and smell the roses. Yes. Enjoy life as it comes. There will be time for me, but right now it's about them. Enjoy parenthood. See their beautiful faces, take in their scent, trace the lines of their smiles, listen to them. Watch these little miracles develop into actual people with thoughts and opinions and personalities of thier own. It's amazing to see character traits of Doug and myself out of these little people. Why am I so eager to overlook all of this, and get caught up in day to day shit? The still small voice is there. It's letting me know I need to slow down, and enjoy life. Live it. I intend to listen.

current mood

Numb
by Lincoln Park

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

time away

I'm taking a break, or going on hiatus if you will. I'm totally unispired at the moment, and I'm frustrated with my inability to write as well as I'd like. I'm sure I will be back, eventually. I'll be reading my favorite bloggers probably on a fairly regular basis, so yes, I'll still be here, just not posting, for a while.

I'll leave you with this pic of Jared. He actually slept that way for quite a while. I love that little monster.

The Time Traveler's Wife. Read it.

Yesterday I finished my book and I haven't stopped thinking about it. Love should be that way, the way it is between Clare and Henry. There's is a love that transends time, and prevails through hardships beyond any that I could handle. There's is a love that lasts their lifetime, and I'm sad the book has come to an end. I've enjoyed getting to know these characters, and I'll miss them. This isn't really a romance novel, I'm not so much into those. It's more of a story of love over time. I highly recomend it. It's beautiful, riveting, enthralling, and heartwrenching. I'm glad I had the pleasure to read and experience this story. Now go out and get it!

me and Jared inside the Mirage 

happy on the ride home 

not so happy on the ride home 

the trip

Have you ever been outside in 117 degree heat before? Well let me explain what that feels like. As soon as you step out of your car, the hot wind slaps your face the way it does when you open an oven. Your eyes burn immediately, and that's the first thing you notice. Next you can feel the sun beat down on your head and you swear god is holding a magnifying glass up to the sun, the way little boys do to burn ants because there's no way the sun could actually be that hot. You begin to wonder if your hair is getting singed by the heat. Then you notice your feet. You can actually feel the heat radiating off the ground, the way it does in one of those old floor heaters. You also notice your movements are slow because it's actually uncomfortable to breathe in the hot air, and you feel as though you are walking through a furnace. That was the first day we arrived in Vegas. Thank god for air conditioning. We stayed at Excalibur. Right after check in we went down to the pool and had a much needed swim. Doug tried to get Jared to go down the waterslide, but he didn't want any part of it. I think it was intimidating to see the big kids come down and land with a big splash into the salty pool. I'd like to think it was salty because of the chemical treatments needed to sustain a pool that large, but it was probably all the sunscreen and sweat, not to mention the pee from all those little kids in there. You KNOW at least SOME of them peed. But, it was basically a public pool, so that's what you get. Yeah, yuck, but it was really fun and it felt nice to cool off. Later that night we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant at Circus Circus, and then headed over to the Bellagio to watch the water show and see the conservatory.

The next day we dragged ourselves out of bed and went down to the buffet in which we gorged ourselves senseless on everything from pancakes to enchiladas. Knowing full well it was hotter then Hades outside, we took the indoor moving sidewalk from Excalibur to the Luxor next door, and then on to Mandalay Bay where we spent a couple of hours at the shark reef where Jared got to pet some reef sharks and see jellyfish like in Nemo, and see sharks with jagged teeth which scared him a little. We took our time there, and enjoyed the air condition and the aquatic life. Later that night we headed over to Treasure Island to see the outdoor pirate show. And what I mean by "pirate show" is a bunch of hot half naked women provocatively dancing on a pirate ship accompanied by loud cannons, fire explosions, fireworks and a sinking ship. It's every man's fantasy, and I have to say I'm a little surprised it's open for public viewing because it was reeking of sexual innuendos. Years ago when I saw the show it wasn't nearly as raw, or as entertaining. Still, it was a good show for the most part. It was fun to watch, I'd have to admit.

The last day we checked out, and headed over to the Mirage to see the dolphin exhibit where we did indeed see dolphins, along with tigers, lions, and elephants. The sucky part about that was it being outside, and over 100 degrees. They did have those mister thingies you see at amusement parks to cool you off a little. Jared really liked this part of the trip because the dolphins swam right up to him and he could have touched one if he reached his hand out to it. Those animals are so awesome to watch. I think I want to swim with one sometime.

After the dolphins Doug and I got some frapacinos, and Jared had lemonade. We sat down inside the Mirage to cool off and relax. The boys then played in the arcade for an hour or so, and Jade and I went onto the terrace and watched the hotel guests relax and play in the pool. We then piled in the car and headed home. The kids were restless towards the end of the 4 hour drive, and when we finally got home I was glad to sit down on my own couch and sleep in my own bed. It was a great trip.

A nasty virus, and the diagnosis

The stomach flu has kicked my ass. Some bastardly virus has wormed it's way into my system rendering me almost completely bedridden for almost two days now. Thank god the kids aren't sick, and for pete's sake they better not get sick, either. I haven't been this sick in a while, and although my vomiting and diarrhea has thankfully stopped, I'm now very weak and tired, and have no energy to do anything but sit on my ass all day. Even getting up to change a diaper, or go to the bathroom is a chore, and I think this is probably how old people feel. Today I'm in a fog. It took me half an hour to read a post of one of my favorite bloggers. I'm wondering if I'll ever get better. This has been going on since Friday, and it's now Sunday. I'm hoping all will be well this Tuesday, because Doug's taking me to Las Vegas for my birthday. It will really suck if either one of us is sick, or kids. They're going with us, of course. Jade's still nursing, and I can't leave her overnight just yet. Well, I guess I could, I just don't want to. Not yet.

So, for those of you who are wondering about what the cardiologist had to say, it was nothing. Yep, that's right. Nothing. The stress test was normal as far as he was concerned. Yes, there were a few irregularities, but nothing worth worrying about, he says. So, it was all much ado about nothing I guess. I do have a slight mitral valve prolapse, but once again, nothing to worry about. So anyway, thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and for thinking of me. It's much appreciated. And now, let's hope this is the last health-related post I have for a while.

a smelly doctor visit

Jared's had a cough for the past couple of weeks, and just recently it's gotten worse, to the point he wakes up in the middle of the night and gags himself from coughing so hard. The other day he had a fever, so I decided to take him in to the doctor. Yesterday was our appointment, and surprisingly, Jared was very well behaved in the waiting room. I brought his sticker book along, and we matched alike items together on the pages. The last time he was seen by a doctor, he had a round of shots, thus his memory of the doctor is not a pleasant one.

His doc is a tall dark Indian man with a thick accent and a booming voice. I think he scared Jared a little when he came into the room, and spoke to him in his loud voice. Jared was very shy, and tried to hide behind me and whispered "I don't want him to hurt me". I was a little embarrassed because he was obviously afraid of him, and he was whimpering as he climbed up onto the examining table. I promised Jared he wouldn't hurt him, just examine his ears and throat, to see why he was coughing. So, without warning, this pediatritian, who works with children on a daily basis turns Jareds head, and sticks that thingy into his ear too have a look. Of course Jared doesn't like this, and I'm trying to play down the whole thing, so he doesn't end up getting mad, and yelling at the very inconsiderate doctor. He did the same thing with the other ear. Just turned his head, and without warning, inserted his weird looking instrument into Jared's ear. THEN, he grabs a tongue depressor, and tells him to open wide. Here we go, I thought to myself. You know, you'd think someone who works with children would know that three-year-olds can be very intimidated by strange men poking and prodding them, but maybe they didn't teach bedside manner at the school he went to. I mean, I know he had a lot a patients to work through, and probably didn't have the time for small talk, but for pete's sake, he could have at least explained to Jared what he was doing and why. Instead he just stuck that thing in his mouth and of course Jared squirmed and closed his mouth, so in the process of squirming, the tongue depressor caught the back of his throat, and Jared welled up huge tears and began sobbing "OWWWWWWWWW!!! Mommy, that hurts meeeeeeee!!!!".

And then he farted. RIGHT ON THE DOCTOR. Twice. Yep. And it stunk, BAD!!! I was so embarrassed, but Jared didn't care, he had his revenge as far as he was concerned.

It turns out he has a throat infection, so he's on antibiotics. I'm thinking of switching to a new pediatrician

today's happenings

Yesterday was my appointment with the cardiologist. Apparently, the halter monitor showed my heartrate peaked up to 185 a couple of times throughout the day, and he was a little concerned. So he ordered a stress test, which was done today. I basically had to walk on a treadmill with sticky things attatched to my chest, which was in turn attatched to a machine that recorded my heartrate while I walked briskly on the treadmill. My heartrate was at 75 before I started. The treadmill started at a moderate pace, the technition was questioning my reason for being there. "Sounds like it's stress" she said confidently. My breathing was getting labored, and my heartrate was climbing, up to 114 now. (the treadmill speeds up every three minutes) "Yes, that seems to make it worse, for sure, but even on a good day, when I'm relaxing in the bathtub, my heart begins to palpitate. And sometimes when I'm laying in bed my heart pounds so hard, I can hear a slight rustle of the sheets. I know that sounds crazy. Sometimes I'll wake myself up trying to catch my breath because my heart feels like it skipped a beat." "Hmmm" she said, watching the screen. By this point I'm pretty much out of breath, and my heartrate is up to 165. "Okay, you can stop now if you'd like. Your heart rate climbed up pretty quickly". I walk over to the chair and have a seat while she records my resting period. I can see on the monitor my heartrate slow down quite quickly, 95..86...73. "Wow, I've recovered pretty quickly" I said. And then, it happens. "Oh, we got something, right here. You paused between beats for let's see..... a second. That's significant. I'll monitor you a little longer." So there I sat, topless, boobs hangin out and all. I started to feel a palpitation again, and a little short of breath. I look up, and see my heart rate is up at 118. "that's bizarre" I said. "You'd think it would stay steady at a cool down". "There've been more pauses" she said, "and all of them are about a second long. A two second pause means you'd need a pacemaker." Once again, my heart rate dipped down to 80 something, and then climbed all the way back up to 135 this time. She recorded all of this, and it went on for about 10 minutes.

"Have you had the halter monitor yet?" "Yes about a month ago" "Follow me into my office and we'll take a look at the results then. Let's see if we can find anything funny". I sat there as she searched for my file, which was under a misspelled name. After looking at the results for a while, she said "ah-ha! Here we are. Your heartrate is at 90 here, and then suddenly jumps to 185. More pauses, intermittently, all over the place. I'm not sure if he (my doc) saw ALL of this. I'm going to highlight and print all of the significant stuff out, along with the results of the stress test, and give it to him right now. He may want you to come back today, or Monday."

So here I sit at home, and the day is almost over, with no call from the office. Just as well, because it's hotter then hell outside. Which brings me to the next subject. Our air condition broke. It's 100 and something degrees outside, and our damn air condition broke last night. I'm thanking my lucky stars the air people came out right away this morning and fixed it. So, anyway, back to the heart thing. I have an appointment already scheduled for Friday, at 10:40, and we will see if he needs to see me sooner then that. I doubt it. I've lived with this palputating, eurythmia crap for years now. One more week isn't going to make a huge difference.

Independence Day

Going to Bakersfield every 4th of July has been a tradition in my family since I was about 5. My grandparents have a huge pool with a diving board, and we swam until we were water-logged and sunburned. We then stuffed our faces with barbecued hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and baked beans. Homemade ice cream usually followed for dessert. As it got dark, we'd light off those expensive ground fireworks that were illegal in the county I grew up in. In Bakersfield though, they had little fireworks stands on every corner. We would head on over to Linda's house who lived about two miles away from my grandparents, and right across the street from the college where the big fireworks were launched. For some reason, 4th of July in Bakersfield in a really huge deal, kind of like the east coast. People have block parties, and launch bottle rockets, and almost every house has an American flag either draped out front, or in my grandparents case, atop a flagpole. People sit on their front lawns with Uncle Sam tophats, and party favors anxiously awaiting the grand display of fireworks the city puts on from the college. And I mean grand in every sense of the word. It's a thirty five minute show of some of the most beautiful fireworks I've ever seen. They come right over our head, since we are right across the street and all. During the finale, the entire sky lit up, so much so, the Jared asked if the sun was coming up. It's amazing. I'm so glad I'm able to share this with my kids. Independence Day is one of my favorite holidays, and I have some of the best memories of my childhood in Bakersfield on that day. After the kids fell asleep on the way home last night, we finished off the day listening to Team America's theme song, "America, Fuck Yeah". You can't beat it. You just can't. 

the boys 

worn out little girl 

Yesterday's festivities

Went to my niece Breanna's 6th b-day party yesterday at my sis-in-law Kelly's house. We all had fun, and despite the nasty blisters Jared got on his feet from the Sponge Bob bouncy house, he had a good 'ol time. 

pick a winner Jared! 

The girls.  

watching the video game. I finally got a pic of Doug, not a very good one, but a picture nonetheless. 

she's mastered pulling herself up to a standing position by herself this past week. We had to lower her crib. 

bad mama

Alas, another "complaining" post. Sorry folks.
For those of you who have read this blog for a while, you'll know I have an "angeliclly challenged" three-year-old.

So today I spanked Jared. Harder then usual. Totally inappropriate behavior on my part. I hate spanking him. Hate it, and I always feel guilty afterwards, and I hug and console, and apologize. The thing is, he doesn't act like he really cares. He doesn't cry, he just whines a little, and then stands in the hallway for time out. When I was a kid, I bawled everytime I was spanked. I'm not saying I want to physically hurt him, and make him cry from the pain, but for some reason it pisses me off when he acts non-chalant about it. Maybe because I feel somewhat undermined in my authority. He talks back ALL the time, and I think he sees himself as an equal to me, rather then a child vs parent. In some aspects that's a good thing. I don't want him to be afraid, or feel intimated by me in any way, but I surely want him to know that I'm the mom, and what I say goes. Sounds like a dictatorship doesn't it? But c'mon, he's 3. Of course I let him have his own opinions. He can wear what he wants, he can choose what he wants to eat for lunch (within reason, of course), he decides what games we play. So I do let him be himself. But he's such a stubborn little shit sometimes. Then again, the apple doesn't fall from the tree. I'm going to have to figure out how to punish him without spanking. It's not working, and I don't want to keep hitting my child. After all, what excatly is that teaching him? Nothing positive, that's for damn sure. I'll try some other things, and let you all know how it goes. Good luck to me.

I stole this from him, who stole it from Penny

3s

3 NAMES YOU GO BY:
Care-dog (highschool), Care-bear (elementary school), sexy (only by Doug...and occasionally Christa)


3 PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
I don't like very many, but I'd have to say hair, smile, eyes.


3 PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
German, English, French


3 THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
loosing my kids, living an unhappy life, ghosts


3 OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
blogging/reading, bikeride with Jared, doing dishes


3 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
t-shirt, wedding ring, underwear


3 OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVORITE BANDS:
Hmmmm, I don't really have favorite bands, I like songs.


3 RECENTLY WATCHED MOVIES
Episode 3, After the Sunset, Shark Tale


3 REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES:
realized I could do better, we grew apart, fell out of love


3 THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
honesty, friendship, respect

3 PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
eyes, jaw, shoulders

3 OF YOUR FAVOURITE PASTIMES:
traveling, reading, bloging

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW:
make coffee, take a shower, take jarred outside before it gets hot.

3 CAREERS YOU HAVE CONSIDERED OR ARE CONSIDERING:
astronaut (this was when I was a kid people), preschool teacher, ultrasound tech

3 PLACES YOU WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL TO:
Fiji, civil war monuments, UK

3 THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
raise my kids well, accomplish something to be proud of, travel back to Europe

just slingin' it

I love this one. 

Christa made this sling for me when I was pregnant with Jade. I'm finally using the damn thing, now that she's taught me how to put her in it. The thing is awesome. I have lost 7 months of baby wearing, and I'm kicking myself in the ass. 

hot slingin' mamas 

it happened again

Except this time I didn't fight it as much, and I left myself open to it, to see if I was making this all up in my head, and if I was dreaming.

I laid down for a nap yesterday, hoping to get some rest, and finally dozed off after Jade fell asleep in her crib. My dream started out with my in-laws Billy and Mandi. They just moved into a new apartment, and we were all going over to check it out. Right when we got there, the dream was interrupted, or jumped to my parent's house. I was laying on the couch taking a nap, and I could see myself from behind the couch. For some reason, I had Jade's body, so it was Jade I was looking at asleep on the couch. I knew I was having an out of body experience, so I decided I had better wake myself up. I gently touched my hand to Jades body, and I instatly woke up, but not completely. I was aware that I was in my own bed, kind of asleep and trying to wake up, but I was paralyzed completely...again. I noticed the pressure also, like something was pushing on my chest. I knew I was strong enough to overcome it, so I let it in. Just for a moment. That's when I heard it. Years ago, the sound it wade was like that of an electric hum, or a lot like the sound a guitar amp makes when the sound is turned up all the way. This time I listened very closely. The hum turned into voices. Lots of them, maybe hundreds of them. It sounded like they were on some type of frequency, and I could hear that frequency cutting in and out. The best way I can describe the sound is when you turn the knob on an am radio, and you get that kind-of high pitched noise between stations. The voices were very loud, and to me it sounded like they were talking very fast, but I couldn't make out a single word. The stronger the "waves" came, the louder the voices got. Finally I decided to wake myself up, because as you can imagine, I was getting a little freaked out.

I went out to the couch with Doug, and asked him what he thought. He thinks it was probably all in my head, and that I was just very tired. Which does sound about right. You know how you have more vivid dreams when your more tired? But...I can't shake the feeling it was more then that. Maybe I tapped into something, or actually it tapped into me. What do you guys think? Only helpful comments please. I don't need some asshole calling me crazy.

I copied this from daphnizzle. It's cool, try it.

No freaking way! See, I'm not the dumb blonde people have made me out to be all my life! So there.

The days of Green Day and Snoop Dogg

Let's see, let's see. I know I need to update. But in all honesty, I don't really have a damn thing to say. I know my blog is less then exciting, in fact it can be pretty downright boring. I'm aware of that, I really am. What can I say? I just don't have an exciting life, folks. Sorry. I HAVE noticed however, that I have done quite a bit of complaining since I started this little blog way back in January. Has it been that long? I guess so. So in the future, I swear I will try to write less negative, boring posts. That may mean I won't blog as much, but I do have to keep my small but much appreciated audience interested.

At the moment, nothing exciting is going on. Next year will be my 10 year high school reunion though, and there's a lot of buzz on that classmates website, as well as myspace. (which I was suckered into because I do have friends on that site. It's fun to network, but my loyalty to blogging lies here, to you folks) Anyway, I'm not really sure if I actually want to go or not. I mean, yes high school was fun and supposedly "some of the best days of my life" or whatever. But seriously, I was just a band geek with really big glasses, and I was thin as a rail, with absolutely no boobs. At all. I don't even know if most of those people would remember me. I had a couple boyfriends in high school, and for that reason, I'm sure Doug won't go. Christa and April really want me to go, so maybe I can share their husbands for the evening as my date. Bryan and David won't mind. I'll just pretend I'm their pimp or something, and I can have one on each arm. Christa and April can socialize with our classmates who got fat from childbirth (ha ha haaaa!! yeah, you bitches were the "curvy" ones in high school, and now you're just fat!!) and Bryan, David and I can hang out in the corner and poke fun of the "losers" who don't have jobs trying to pick up on all the chicks. Christa, April, and I will of course dress to impress. We'll be looking hot, hotter then we ever did in high school. And we will be the envy of all the pretty, stuck up snobs we went to school with. Hmmmm, maybe I will go after all. Sounds like a night of fun-filled reminiscing of days gone by, that will never (thank god) be re-lived.

a new post--FINALLY!!!!

You know what's the funniest thing I've ever seen? My ass try to jump rope, that's what. I looked like a flamboyant gay man. Seriously. Who would have thought 2 minutes of jump rope would have me dizzy and lightheaded because my ass is so out of shape? At least I wasn't the only one who couldn't hack it. There were others too, I swear!

So, Friday I decide to put my gym membership to good use. I got up early, (which in my case is 7:30) and decided to take a cardio coreball class. It's an hour long class which uses the stability ball for strength exercises, and switches back and forth between that and a cardio workout. I thought it would have been a good beginner class, since I have pretty much NEVER worked out in my life, save that little stint I had in boot camp. I probably should have started with something like YOGA. Don't get me wrong, I could pretty much hang in there until the last 25 minutes, at which point I was DYING. The lady from the childcare came in the last 15 minutes and said Jade was crying, and she wouldn't stop. THANK GOD!!! I got to get out of class early. YES!!! Let me just tell you, as I was sitting there, nursing her in the lounge, I felt dizzy as hell and sick to my stomach. I had to get my bearings for a few minutes before I could get up and leave. I felt a little better when I got home, but the next day I was so sore I could barely walk. I couldnt even get off the floor without Doug's help. I am pathetic, people!! Today the soreness is finally going away, and I feel a bit better. So yeah, I'm thinking yoga sounds good for tomorrow, and I'm not doing ANYTHING more then yoga or pilates until I can hack it. There's nothing wrong with starting slow. Really, there isn't!

what I did today

I decided to go balls to the wall blonde. I know, I was blonde before. But I just wanted more of a summer look. Yeah, I look pretty damn stoned without make-up. And yes, I need some sun. It's actually alot blonder in person. I think I like it. 

the joys of parenting

That's lemon juice in her hair. I let Jared suck on a lemon after I put the salmon in the oven for dinner. While I was deeply enthralled in Daphne's post, Jared decided to squeeze the lemon over Jade's head, and watch it trickle down her forehead. I caught him mid squeeze. You can see she's been traumatized.

Earlier in the day, I had to get my blood drawn at the dr. office. As we were waiting in the very small waiting room, an old woman with a bedpan in her hand was heading for the bathroom. As she passed us, Jared jumped up and asked her "is that your hat?" 

Got this from Penny

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 40%

Sloth: 40%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.

How Sinful Are You?

That would figure!!

Sooo, Jade rolled off the bed today for the first time. She was in our bed for her nap this afternoon, and apparently she bypassed the mound of pillows I had surrounding her. I guess I didn't hear her wake up, but I sure as hell heard the loud thump followed by an unbelievably heartwrenching wail. Poor baby. I was shaking as I picked her up and held her. She was fine of course, just scared. From now on, I'll be putting her in her own crib at all times.

prolapsed valve

Yesterday I had an echo for my heart done. Basically it's an ultrasound of the heart. The tech said I have a slight prolapse in one of the valves. I THINK that means it's pushing blood slightly backward in the valve. My appointment with the cardiologist is next month. The tech didn't seem too alarmed, seeing as it is such a slight prolapse. I'm wearing the stupid halter monitor right now, and can take it off in one hour, thank god. Jade keeps pulling at the wires when she nurses. It's going to hurt like a sonovagun to pull these sticky things off. There's seven of them. Ouch!

Conversations with my three-year-old

Me: Jared, are you going to pick up these toys?

Jared: I'm not Jared, I'm Jedi master Yoda. You're Darth Vader, and you have to fight me and say "You don't know the power of the dark side."

Nice to know what he really thinks of me, eh?


Later in the day at a crowded greek restaraunt with my friend, Ursula: (she's German people, and my hairdresser)

Jared: Mommy, i have to go potty.
Me: Jared, you just went right before we got our food.
Jared: But I have to go POOOOP!!! (most of the people sitting at the nearby tables most definatly heard.)

Kids are the coolest things on the planet.

a lenthy post, for my sake

There have been some things going on with my family that I need to vent about. I have briefly touched on the matter in a couple of posts, but I feel the need to write the story in it's entirety, to vent this out of my system.

My dad is a supervisor for the county and heads a few teams for the health department. I won't expound on this any further for fear of getting my ass in trouble if the wrong person reads this. So he's had this job for 15 years now, and has made wonderful friends through his job. One woman who works there in particular became very close with my mom. She was the closest thing to a best friend my mom had at the time. She and her daughters came to their house all the time for dinners, and her daughters called my mom Aunt Cindy. For the sake of anonymity, we will call the woman "crazy bitch", or cb for short. So cb began dating someone at their workplace. (We will call the poor soul "Dan") After a few months, the relationship turned sour, probably because she's a crazy bitch. (did I mention that?) In cb's bitterness, she filed a sexual harassment complaint against Dan, and since my dad was their boss, she took it to him, and he took that straight to his boss. It was handled, properly.

A few months later, cb decided she wanted to switch to a different department. Coincidentally, the department she wanted to be switched to, was the same one Dan happened to be in. Cb then asked my dad to take Dan out of that department, so she could switch, and be in the department of her choice. He didn't do it. This is where the bullshit starts. She got really upset and started badmouthing my dad to my mom, saying he was sexist, and discriminate. I think she filed a few complaints against him as well. But whatever, she's psycho.

Before all this happened, about 4 months prior, cb, my dad, and another lady (let's call her Kate) were on their way to a conference, all in the same vehicle. They were all great friends, and were playing a game of "slug bug". (that's where you hit the person next to you when you see a VW bug.) So kate socks my dad in the arm, and he in turn, socks her back. It's a game people, and yes, my dad is a bit unprofessional. It was all in fun.

Fast forward. After cb doesn't get what she wants from my dad, she decides to bring up the "slug bug" incident to the county, and files a "violence in the workplace" complaint against him. Even though she wasn't the one hit in the car, she claimed she was afraid of him, and wouldn't work there if he stayed. The county apparently interviewed all the employees my dad works with, and they all gave him great compliments, stating he's a wonderful supervisor, and he's never done anything to frighten them. According to the case report, none of those interviews took place. All the report says is my dad hit a woman at work, and now cb is afraid. There is now a guard posted outside my dad's office, in case he comes back in a monsterous vengeful rage to wreak demonic havoc on that poor innocent woman who sits shaking in her boots. No one at work is allowed to contact him, and he is not allowed to contact them, even though they have, to give their upmost support. He is now officially terminated, seven years away from retirement. Two years ago, all his employees, including cb voted him supervisor of the year for the entire county division. No one in the county likes cb. Their have been several complaints against her, and Dan has now left because of her (I think he's also planning on suing her for degradation of character). From what I hear, Kate is leaving also.

This whole thing is devastating to my family. My father is a good man, and he doesn't deserve this, and neither does my mother. I hope this is one of those "blessings in disguise" and they can come out stronger from this. I know they plan to sue for wrongful termination, but in the meantime, he has no income. My biggest fear is of them moving far away to the only job he can find. He's kind of in a specialized field, and I know he's been having a heck of a time finding anything for the amount of money even close to what he was making. I know this is kind of a long post for me, and thank you for taking the time to read it. I needed to get that out, and now that I have, I feel a bit better. I will keep you updated as I receive more news.

a turning of the tides

Some of you may be glad to hear I have decided to join a gym. In fact, I signed a two year contract today. Now that Jade is 6 months old, they will watch her for free on the premesis. It's a ladies gym with some great classes I plan to take. Some of which are kickboxing, yoga, pilates, and strip tease. Yep, that's right bitches! I'm gonna learn how to be sexaaaaay!!!

So here'sJade's new trick! She can now sit up without support. She's actually been doing this for a couple of weeks now, and I finally caught it on camera!